In the mood for CNY

I've never been big on Chinese New Year -- sure, I buy my ONE zodiac animal fook sign each year and hang it on my front door -- but I usually don't make much of an effort to follow any of the other traditions that you're supposed to do before, during and after(?) CNY. What can I say, I'm a phony Chinese…(otherwise known as a Canadian-Chinese, haha ;)

This year is a different story though, as I've been getting totally worked up about everything CNY, including the flower fair, the different laisee packet designs, red and gold this and that, traditional costumes, superstitions, calendars, etc.!

It must be because I've been working on a special project for the Asia Society Hong Kong Center (that you should definitely hit up if you're in town) -- the Chinese New Year Family Day this Sunday, Feb 3!

I'd go if I could, but I'm off to be "reunited" with my family in Canada (seee, one CNY tradition fulfilled), so I'll be missing out on the God of Fortune, lion and ribbon dances, Chinese puppet shows, Cantonese opera, CNY food galore, silk knotting, paper dragon making, shaolin demos, story telling and the chance to dress up as little emperors and empresses -- how cute!

It's technically for kids but I'm sure they won't mind a few bigger kids running around, and when you're there, don't forget to take a look at some of the artwork around the event (drawn by yours truly)!

Here's a sneak peek/exclusive compilation:

Happy Year of the S-s-s-nake! :)~

-Miss Fong

Continue reading...

A lesson in small talk…

There's a reason why the weather is such a great subject to talk about. It's safe, far from personal and everyone can relate to it. UNLIKE BIMPLES!!

That's right -- bimples, aka. back pimples, or bacne (back-acne) if you prefer.

I was sitting at my desk typing away when my colleague snuck up from behind me to whisper, "Do you ever grow 'lup-lups' on your back?"

I turned my head slowly to come face-to-face with her extremely concerned expression.

"Lup…lup…?" I couldn't believe she was asking me this. (Lup-lup means little bumps in Canto, translation = zits)

"Yes, I saw your back through your sweater," (I was wearing a sweater with a teardrop cutout on the back), "and I just wondered if you ever grew zits there."

"Um… no…" I said slowly, trying to hide my disgust behind a polite smile.

"Because I do!" she exclaimed. "I can't wear sweaters like that because I have zits on my back. That's why I take Chinese medicine, to keep them from coming back."

Shocked, grossed out and fighting the vivid images of bacne in my head, I racked my brain for zits-related things to say and started blabbing, "Oh, I know people who grow zits on their back too. And on their shoulders, and other parts of the body. Actually, I get zits sometimes on my chin. It's totally normal, yea…"

By then, she had returned to her desk and sat down, and the conversation was over, as if it had never happened.

So yea, bacne, not a good subject. Please don't ever talk to me about it again. T_T"

Continue reading...

Miss Fong in Hong Kong Xmas Cards

So, besides selling fook-less Xmas tree ornaments at the Handmade HK bazaar last weekend, I also had a small selection of Xmas cards on sale that I designed myself :D (no fook there either, sorry lady)!

There are five designs in total:

• Chinese Santa
• Frosty in HK
• Curry Fishmas
• Rudolph vs. Rudie
• All I Want for Xmas is… (Dim Sum!)

Thanks to everyone who came by and picked them up! I hope you're enjoying your cards/ornaments/bow ties/fimo! :)

Also big thanks to the people at Asia Society Hong Kong for stocking my cards! They're now on sale at the gift store right outside the ultra hip and happening' AMMO, so be sure to take a peek while you're on a pee break (the store is in between the restaurant and the restrooms)!

**Update: The Xmas cards are also now stocked at KONZEPP (50 Tung Street, Lower Ground Floor, Sheung Wan)!** Yay! Get 'em while you can! :)

Alternatively if you'd like to order any cards from me directly, please feel free to send me an email at sheupy@hotmail.com (I've got just a few left!). Thanks and happy holidays everyone! *<|:{) ~ho ho ho!

Continue reading...

Put a little fook into it

In preparation of the Handmade HK Xmas Bazaar, I ran into my neighborhood stationery store to see if they had any more goodies for me to craft something out of. It's always fun to go in there because the store is run by an older husband and wife (?) team who are quite possibly insane.

That sounds a bit harsh, I know, but you'd think so too if you met them. Simply walking in will elicit a maniacal laugh from the old man (not to mention any requests, ie. "Pens?! Ha ha ha ha ha!!") and the woman isn't much better with her bulging eyes, chatter mouth and snarky comments (ie. to a small child: "Get it yourself, you're a big boy!")

While paying, she asked me what I was making with all that stuff "anyway" and I mentioned this arts and crafts market to her.

"You know, we all make things by hand and go sell it at a community centre," I explained.

She looked confused. "Handmade?"

"Yea, you know, made by hand!"

She still wasn't convinced, so I decided to show her one of my products -- the felt Christmas tree.

"Here it is!" I said, proudly, as I flashed her the picture on my iPhone. Squinting down at it, her expression, which seemed to say "chieehhh" in Cantonese (aka. meh) didn't budge, not even after I swiped to show her a few more products.

After a long pause, she finally said, "I know! What you need is a little fook!"

She got up and scuttled to the back of the store, yelling, "Come here!"

I followed, and she pointed at these tiny squares of lai see envelopes in red and yellow with the word '福' (read: fortune) emblazoned on it.

"Fook? Isn't that for Chinese New Year? My things are for Christmas!"

She looked at me incredulously and said, "Don't be silly! You can never have enough fook. Trust me, if you attach one of these to each of your products, they'll sell, big time!"

"Umm, I'll think about it..." I muttered as I walked out of her store, but as I turned the corner, I could hear her yelling out, "You can't make a big fortune without spending a small fortune!!!"

Continue reading...

No more Gangnam Style

Feeling particular uninspired lately and even less so after watching the Hong Kong version of Gangnam Style. I get it -- people all over the world love PSY and his horse dancing but do we really need to watch his video over and over (each time with different people doing the same exact moves)!?



According to Jaynestars.com, Cantopop stars Leo Ku and Ekin Cheng decided to make this video simply because they thought that their buddy Wilson Chin resembled PSY. So, does that mean that anyone who even slightly resembles PSY (and there's a lot of people out there who do) should make a Gangnam Style video of their own? ... NO!!

Not only is the Hong Kong Gangnam Style video utterly unoriginal (everything about the video is the same as PSY's; only the backgrounds have changed), the worst part is, the stupid girl in the front doesn't even know how to do the horse dance (um, hello, you need to JUMP and lift your feet off the ground)!! Ugh.

Having said that, props to Fat Dragon in Vancouver who made a REAL Gangnam Style spoof called "我怕國民 style" (lit. I'm afraid of China style), which sounds like "Oppa Gwokman Style" and features original lyrics in Canto protesting against the national education "brainwashing" program:




Talk about using what's trending in popular culture to draw attention to an important issue! I know it's not the prettiest thing to watch nor is it the best production out there, but it definitely gets top marks for originality in my books!

C'mon Hong Kong, you can do better than this. When are we going to see some real "港男" style?

(Translation: 港男 'gong nam' comes from 香港 (Hong Kong) 男子 (guy) -- get it?)

Continue reading...

My egg waffle man

It's funny how someone can piss you off so much without saying a word. Take for instance, my local egg waffle man. 

A few weeks ago (yes, I hold a grudge), I was hoping to ask him if it'd be possible for him to make me some red egg waffles for my friend's moon-yuet party -- a traditional yet modern twist on those red eggs usually served at those parties. 

I know it seems like an awkward request, but I deliberately chose a time when he had no customers to make my approach. Walking up with a friendly smile, I told him the story of how my friend, who had been in confinement for the past 30 days, would love nothing more than to have some yummy Hong Kong egg waffles at her party, and if it were at all possible, if he could just make a few egg waffles for me if I brought the red dye to him, perhaps before he opened shop one morning. 

The egg waffle man, a skinny Chinese guy in his late 20s or early 30s who'd been staring at me with a dull facial expression, took a few seconds to process this and then ... shook his head. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping to find out why he couldn't do it. "I'll bring the red dye and I only need 1-2 waffles."

He shook his head once more with his jaw jutted out. 

"I'll pay you double, no, triple for them, and I'll even clean the batter jugs for you afterwards!!" 

Again, he shook his head with that 'yeung seui' expression on his face. Now, I was getting angry. 

"What do you mean no? Can't you just tell me why? What's the reason you can't do it? Tell me so I can understand!" I sputtered at him in my crappy Cantonese.

Once again, he simply shook his head. 

"Who's in charge here?!" I demanded to know.

And then, finally, the egg waffle man spoke. "I am."

At that, I did a complete 180 and left fuming, cursing the damn egg waffle man for not even trying to be helpful or at least having the courtesy to make up an excuse for why he wasn't going to help me. 

I mean, it's not like I was trying to take over his stand! If he was worried about mess, or trouble, or anything like that, I would have understood (okay, I might have tried to convince him otherwise first) but still, to be shut out like that by someone who just won't even talk to you -- I just didn't get it!

Five steps later though, I finally got it. The dude's an EGG WAFFLE MAN. He only makes one thing,  all day, every day in his life. He's not the rainbow egg waffle man, nor the chocolate chip waffle man, or god forbid, a fish ball man. He's a frickin' egg waffle man -- and that is all he shall EVER BE. 

(But damn, does he make good egg waffles.)  

Continue reading...

Unsightly sightings

I dunno why but the past week has been full of unsightly sightings, like:

1. Last Friday, the showers at the gym stopped working, and some chick was walking around with a towel covering just the front of her crotch (but not the back). As a result, when she walked away, I couldn't help but see her bare ass and her brown ass crack - UGH!

2. If that wasn't enough, when I later bent down to untie my shoes, the lady next to me JUST happened to pull down her pants, resulting in my face being 2 inches away from her bare and clammy ass! :O

3. A few days later, an older white lady was blow-drying her hair facing the mirror completely nude, and her body was so scrawny I could see her ribs, not to mention her ass, which was so flat it had multiple folds under the buttocks (::shudder::)

4. Then, there was a chubby woman in the change room who decided to apply body lotion while completely nude, with one leg up on the bench, giving everyone who passed by a clear shot into her you-know-what.

5. Last but not least, at a recent lingerie show, one of the models had on a bodysuit so tight, the crotch of it rode up and squeezed one side of her labia out!! :O Ugh!!

What is UP with that?! I'm so glad this week is almost over... hopefully next week will be much less visual. :P

Continue reading...

How to piss off perverts in Hong Kong

Hong Kong girls are known for being slightly more conservative than their overseas counterparts (holla!) -- often covering up their skin and what little curves they have with layers of lace and ruffles, so, what's a horny guy to do? Peek up their skirts, that's what!

We already know about the genius who installed a camera into the toe of his shoes to snap upskirt photos on moving escalators, but now, thanks to the DAB (that's Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong, phew!) Women's Affair Committee, Hong Kong perverts now have over 10 new places to circle under in the hopes of glimpsing some local punani.

On the list of "black spots" that they've identified is geek central -- the spiral staircase at the Apple Store in IFC -- plus various transparent glass floors, fences and elevators at Times Square, Island Beverley mall, the Central Library footbridge and the Hong Kong international airport (basically anywhere with glass, DUH).

The Committee warns us women to not "become the tools of the culprits who commit crimes" (yes, that was a Google translation) and if any of us should become "candid targets", to report the suspect to the police (as if they'll be able to do anything :P). 

What Hong Kong women REALLY should be doing is taking matters into their own hands... or should I say pants:

(Please excuse my anatomically incorrect drawings as I have no idea what an upskirt photo actually looks like)

1. Make 'em bleed 

 

2. Give 'em shit

 

3. Create a hairy situation

 

4. Tell 'em to F*CK OFF!

 

5. Put on a pair of bootie shorts FFS!

Okay, so if you really are so concerned about someone looking up your oh-so-precious crotch, either DON'T wear such a freaking short skirt and/or put on one of them bootie shorts (they are sold at most places that sell leggings).

THE END.

 

Continue reading...

Japan's version of Face Off!

Ahh, Japan. What would we do without your creepy inventions? 

I'm annoyed that I didn't come across these earlier as they would have been perfect for Halloween! What I'm talking about are the plastic face masks made by Japanese company Real-F that are an exact replica of … YOUR FACE (or anyone else's). 

Hello, beautiful!

The details are down to the pores, moles, eyelashes, and blood vessels, which they create by taking pictures of your face from various angles and imprinting it on a vinyl chloride resin over a mold. 

Don't forget to SMILE :D because the last thing you'd want to do is give anyone the slightest hint that your face isn't real (a pleasant pseudo-smile works best).

This "shocked look" will likely attract stares.

So, why make a replica mask? I can think of a few reasons ... you could freeze the way you look at this moment, make love to yourself (kinkeh), or finally get people to understand what it's like to be you - just make sure they don't do anything illegal while wearing it!

In either case, masks cost US$3,920 for the first one and US$780 for additional copies (here).  Check out this video from Apple Daily showing the mask in action (where nobody even bats an eye)! 

They even show how this disguise could potentially be used by terrorists to smuggle themselves across borders, in addition to a super easy way to forge someone's fingerprints. Watch out!!

Pictures from Geekologie.com

Continue reading...

Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar

I haven't been seeing many beggars around lately, except for the LKF Plastic Bag Lady and possibly the Wanchai Homeless Beggar whom I think I spotted in Lan Kwai Fong the other night.

However, I did see a rather upbeat and jolly beggar a few weeks ago in Tin Hau just outside the MTR station on King's Road. He had picked a good location, since sizable crowds would gather while waiting to cross the busy intersection. 

At first glance, the Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar (you'll understand the name soon) looked like a normal person who was just playing the harmonica out of his elbows (a way to get attention perhaps) but upon closer inspection, I realised that he didn't have any forearms -- just little stumps after the elbow joint.

While playing his tunes, he was also side-stepping to the music and grooving along, not to mention making eye contact with everyone who passed. It was pretty cool to see a beggar getting so into it, unlike the more dormant types like the Mong Kok Tree Trunk Stumps Beggar or the Wanchai Parma Ham Leg Beggar. Keep it up, dude!

Continue reading...