Vampire Teabags

Today I was having random thoughts in my head about vampires (no, not Edward Cullen) but the Chinese word for it and whether it had anything to do with ginger. You see, 殭屍 (goeng si) is 'vampire' in Cantonese, but the first character sounds a lot like 'ginger'. Anyway, after a bit of searching, I not only found the answer to my question, but discovered a rather new piece of slang.Do you know what 殭屍茶包 (vampire teabag) means? Go on, take a wild guess. Yes, think nasty...even dirtier......

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Me vs. Tea Lady - Round 2

The latest battle between me and the office Tea Lady came about after yet another cockroach decided to rear its ugly face on my desk. This time, a rather large, yellow roach was caught creepy-crawling on my office telephone receiver. But by the time I hollered "ROACH!" at the top of my lungs, that little bastard had disappeared, making me look like a total idiot in front of all my colleagues.For those who know me, you know that I'm a magnet for cockroaches. Somehow, they always seem to pop up around me, no matter if they're on the street, outside my door or crawling on my cubicle walls. So, it's totally not my fault that I have cockroaches on...

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Where's mah fruit?!

It's amazing how quickly we get spoiled in Hong Kong. I mean, do you ever find yourself saying:"What? I need to wait FIVE WHOLE minutes for the MTR!?""AW MAN!! The escalator's been turned off and I hafta *gasp* WALK UP!?"and of course:"Wat the hell?! I didn't get no fruit today!?"(Yea, that last one was me today...) I remember the first time I saw the fruit ladies come around the office. I could hear the loud chatter of two middle-aged ladies from afar coming closer and closer until suddenly, a...

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More mobile drool

Remember how I was lusting over the SE W995 a few months ago? Well, I never ended up getting it. The reason? It may have photographed well but in real life, it was just bulky and a little too cheap looking for me. That seems to be the trend with Sony Ericsson phones. Great photography on-screen that makes you drool. Hugely disappointing once you have it in front of you. Bahhh!I'm really hoping that's not the case with their new gem of a phone Jalou. It hasn't been released yet so only time will...

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What's yours is mine

One thing about living in Hong Kong is that you've got to learn to share. Whether it's personal space, the (smoggy) air or even food, I've come to realize that nothing's really mine.See, I'm the type of person who's never liked to share. Call it a phobia if you will, but it grosses me out. Biting from the same apple? Ew. Sharing a straw? No way. Licking from the same ice cream cone? Hell no! Eating someone's leftover rice/noodle dish (in all its messy mixed sauce glory)? Excuse me while I puke.Unfortunately, I've encountered a few situations where I've had no choice but to share. Like in China for instance, when I'm eating in a group. I usually...

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Mongkok Foot Scrunching Beggar

This beggar needs no introduction. Seated at the top of one of the busiest MTR exits in Hong Kong (Mongkok E2), it's a miracle that he doesn't get trampled by the millions of emo teens, sneaker freaks or gadget addicts that frequent the famed Sai Yeung Choi St. area each day.The Mongkok Foot Scrunching Beggar sits on a square of newspaper with his head hung low and his crutch laid out in front of him. While one of his legs is folded under him (probably crippled), his other leg is kept active by...

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One death rope please...

I know, I look Chinese. And to the average HKer, I look just like one of them. That is...until I open my mouth.The thing is, I'm not really that bad at Cantonese. I can get by for a few minutes before they either hear my accent and/or realize that my vocabulary is limited to that of an 5th grader, and sometimes when I talk too fast, I tend to mix words up... for example:Me: Yea, I really enjoy going to the gym!HKer: Oh ya? How often do you go?Me: I 'animal' quite often!HKer: (awkward silence)Seconds...

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Mooncake Madness

Yes, it's true. I just ate a whole mooncake ON MY OWN. Go ahead, drop your jaw and call me whatever gluttonous animal you want. I deserve it!! :pI didn't mean to, really. For some strange reason, I had a sudden craving for something sweet. And since my chocolate drawer was empty, all I really had to satisfy my craving were two double-yolked mooncakes given to me by my company (I blame them!!).Suddenly, I was shoveling triangular-cut pieces of lotus paste chunks into my face (while working I might...

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How I survived India

Since I've been back, many people have asked me if I got sick in India. It's a legitimate question, as there are countless stories of others getting the dreaded 'Delhi Belly' and the worst food poisoning of their lives. However, I'm happy to report that I didn't get sick at all!! :DOkay, so I cheated by bringing 7 days worth of snacks, food and water from HK,but the point is, I survived!! ;)Ironically, the day I arrived in China, my stomach woes began... ...

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I'm baaack!

Crap! It's been a while since I last blogged, thanks to a sudden business trip to India followed by a 3-week company training course in Blogger-blocked China. I had no idea so many things were blocked here: Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Wordpress, Youtube, various weather sites (why oh why?!)...Anyway, it's been an interesting few weeks. India was...well, incredible! It was my first time visiting and of course I was in utter fascination the whole time. Here's just a short list of the things I learned about India:There are quite a few Muslims in India (especially in the North)Many Indians these days speak better English than HindiThe Indian accent...

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Use it or lose it

Before I moved back to Hong Kong, I had always thought things would be much easier here. I mean, coming from the Netherlands where the three most spoken words (in English) must've been "That's not possible", I had just expected HK to be a place where rules, no matter what, could always be bended.Fast forward to today. Me and my colleagues are having lunch at a modern Shanghainese restaurant in Wanchai. Our party of five is not yet complete, but we want to order the Set Lunch for 5 consisting of...

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Can't we all just get along?

Last night, I contributed to the death of the biggest cockroach I have seen to date. What had he done to deserve such a cruel execution by way of flipping, scraggling and drowning in a never-ending stream of RAID poisonous spray? Nothing, really. He was simply in the wrong place, at the wrong time.You see, if you're a giant cockroach who happens to be hanging around on the doorbell outside my apartment, and by the time I actually notice you, you're a mere 2 inches from my face, I have no choice but to (shriek like a banshee and then) KILL YOU.Obviously, I didn't kill the guy myself. After letting out a shrill scream, I backed up slowly, froze...

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Laff of the day

I got this in my inbox from a Mainland colleague who replied to all following a company-wide announcement:"恭喜 (Congratulations) MICHEAL, WE'RE ALWAYS BE THE BACK OF YOU."Translation: We'll always be your backside. Hah...

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My shadow speaks!

Have you ever wondered what your shadow would say, if it could only speak? Well, I found out last night.After my dance class, I decided to do some window shopping along Granville Road in TST on my way to my bus stop. The first place I saw had a few fashionable looking mannequins out front, so I went in.Feeling the fabric of a black halter top betwen my fingers, I heard a small voice behind me say, "It's nice, isn't it?""Um, yea..." I muttered, continuing to touch and feel a few other tops.I moved...

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The wonder of wood

I've walked by what I used to call the 'silly comb store' between Hong Kong and Central station almost every day on my way to work, but never thought to go in until last weekend."Look there," I said to my friend visiting from Tokyo, pointing at the comb store, which sells super niche Chinese combs made of sheep horn and various types of wood. "I wonder if they ever get any business, HA!"Funny enough, my friend went in and within 5 minutes, she had bought a comb. Who knew that ancient Chinese wooden...

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Shisha Roach!

I thought my place was immune from cockroaches, thanks to monthly 'pest control' sprayfests, but look what I found on the balcony just a couple nights ago!!!(Yes, that is a cockroach enjoying shisha....

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A tribute to cockroaches

It's quite sad, actually. Looking at their little brown bodies, some long gone, flattened, dried up and flaking off the ground, others freshly squashed with a blob of yellow goo sitting right next to their corpses.I must admit, I'm no cockroach lover but I do feel sorry for them. I mean, I would never, I repeat, NEVER, step on one (for fear of projectile puking instantaneously afterwards) but that doesn't stop other people from giving them a big, CRUNCHY, triumphant stomp. Yes, they're hideous,...

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Chinese donut, anyone?

I couldn't help laughing when I read the following news item:Blind Hong Kong wife pours hot congee on cheating husband's groinNot only did she splash his nekkid genitals with boiling hot congee, she even attempted to destroy his little armies forever by putting female hormones into his drinks! A great lesson for cheaters, I must say.Upon further analysis, a few other thoughts surfaced in my mind...She's got pretty good aim for someone who's blindWhy the hell was he sleeping naked?Was she already...

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Back to humidity

After a blissful week in Europe, I am now back in the sweltering heat of Hong Kong. While I was gone, I missed out on:another acid attack in Mong Kokfalling loudspeakers from the sky (also in MK)getting run over by a minibus (also in MK)Nice! On a serious note though, it's really a shame that so much sh*t is going on in MK. It's such an awesome place and the perfect place for feeding my gadget addiction. Whether that's worth risking all of the above is another questi...

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Great balls of fire

It's been a while since the last Canto lesson, so I thought I'd share another piece of slang that might be quite useful for many of us here in HK:ngaahn fo baau literally means 'eyes fire explode' and as you can imagine is how you feel when you're angry as hell!So, the next time someone shoves you out of the way to get into the MTR while the doors are closing causing you to fall backwards onto the ground and flash everyone with your 'scandalous' thong, you'll be able to raise your fist and tell...

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The search for paradise continues...

Coming to Hong Kong from Europe, I've often heard the term 'paradise' attached to various beaches in Asia, including Bali (of coz) and several others in Malaysia and the Philippines. Usually, the term makes you think of creamy white sand, crystal clear water and a coconut-husk hut, like this:I found all that, but the most important thing related to paradise failed to show up: the SUN. And when it did peek out of the haze for a precious 45 mins, I got sunburnt so bad my skin turned bright red like...

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Mobile lust

I must admit, I've never felt this way about a phone before. But how could you blame me? Look at this beauty!!The Sony Ericsson W995 finally came out today, and I'm dying to get it. Only question is... do I really need 4 working mobile phones? Psshh - OF COURSE I do! This is Hong Kong, after all... ;)--On another note, I'm flying off to paradise tonight and hope to return as a gingerbread woman. Wish me lu...

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Beware of Pervert

O-M-G. My colleagues just enlightened me with this video today, and all I gotta say is... I ain't touching no MTR poles no more!!Note: Disturbing content below......

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Kiss my plaque!

Not to be rude or anything, but has anyone else noticed how bad some locals' teeth are? I'm not picking on people who have crowded or gapped teeth, but more on the people who have obviously neglected their teeth for a very long time.I mean, how else can you explain the clumps of hardened and discoloured plaque, the greyish, translucent colour and the brown etched stains not only along the gumlines, but also on the flat surfaces of their teeth?Okay, when I was young, I hated brushing my teeth. I...

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How to fix a bad HK haircut

I'm sure it's happened to most of us. You go to a strange hairstylist that you've just met for the first time, you give them a general idea of what you want and you end up looking like a butchered barbie doll.I assume this happens more often in Hong Kong than anywhere else, thanks to the extreme differences in taste, but personally speaking, this happens to me every, single time I get a hair cut, no matter where I am. It's like I've got this curse against having good hair.Anyway, for those of you...

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NO means NO!

If there's one word to describe HK salespeople, it's gotta be AGGRESSIVE. Whether they're selling you a massage chair, gym membership or even cheap socks, they'll haggle you until you're either too frazzled or annoyed that you end up saying yes to whatever it is they want.However, over the past couple months I've built up a healthy resistance to most salespeople, even in the most awkward of situations. Take last weekend for example.I had gone for a facial treatment at Pretty House, a place I had heard of through Planet Yoga's e-newsletter and signed up for 5 facials at 788 HKD only. A single facial usually costs around 400 HKD, so this was a...

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FREEDOM!!

While walking by the MetroPark Hotel in Wanchai today, I looked up and saw some papers taped to a window on the 5th floor or so. It was hard to make out since the writing was small (and I'm blind as a bat), but eventually I realized that each A4 paper was labeled '5h', '4h', '3h', and so on...The poor person inside was counting down to how many more hours s/he'd be locked up for!!!In case you've been in a hole all this time and don't already know, these people have been locked up for 7 days straight since they found the first case of swine flu (ahem.. H1N1) in a guy who was staying in that hotel. Not a bad thing if you're in the Shangri-La,...

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Another A**hole

Last week, I was waiting for the lift in my building when I encountered yet another a**hole. They're everywhere, I'm telling ya!Anyway, what happened was, the elevator doors opened, a woman came out, and a dorky-looking HK business man stayed inside. I stepped in, asking him whether the lift was going down (as I only needed to go down 1 floor), and he hastily nodded his head while pressing the 'Close' button repeatedly.Within a second, I felt the floor RISING beneath me and realized he was on his way up to the 49TH floor!!?!! WTF!? I looked at him and exclaimed,"I asked if you were going down!!" to which he had no reaction whatsoever except looking...

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Planet Yoga in Hong Kong

I've been meaning to b*tch about this for a while, but didn't get to till today. For anyone planning to sign up for a yoga membership in HK, I hope you find this information useful.I am a member of Planet Yoga Tsim Sha Tsui, and I highly regret it. Please don't make the same mistake as I did. I strongly advise against Planet Yoga because of the following reasons:1) Phony yoga classes (I'm sorry, but Yoga Combat, Yoga Punch, etc. are not yoga classes, they are just aerobics/taebo -ish classes!!)...

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Mong Kok Handless Head-Writing Beggar

This next beggar is a very talented and skilled individual. I saw him last Saturday night in Mong Kok's Sai Yeung Choi Street outside the Broadway Cinema, writing inspirational messages on a scroll.For some reason, this beggar does not have any hands, just a bit of forearm on both sides. He uses them to support himself as he proceeds to write inspirational messages in beautiful, perfect Chinese characters upside down. He does this by taping a paintbrush securely to one side of his glasses.At first,...

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Synchronicity

My mom once told me that if you paid enough attention, you could notice at least 6 incidences of synchronicity a day.What's synchronicity, you ask?This:Cool, huh?? :)Synchronicity on Wiki...

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Red rubber gloves

Last Friday, I was super hungry in the afternoon so I went downstairs and crossed the road into this little shop selling (bad) bubble tea and other snacks like sausage-on-a-stick.I ended up ordering one of my latest addictions - Peanut Butter & Condensed Milk Toast - and stood by the open kitchen to wait. I was a little spaced out but eventually my eyes focused on a woman who was even more spaced out than me.With half-closed eyelids and a painfully bored expression on her face, she held a thick...

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Fat 39 year old housewife

Since I moved to Hong Kong, I've received quite a few comments that I coulda really done without. Granted, all opinions are just perceptions, but the ones I've been getting lately have really made me puzzled as I try to understand what exactly I am doing to get such remarks.First, a guy who was looking for a running buddy said I looked 39 (@_@)... I believe his exact quote was "you dress young but your face looked mature -aka old"...A few weeks later, my female coworker asks me in the elevator back up to the office, "Have you always been this...big? Or was it after you moved to Hong Kong?"And just yesterday, a new friend of mine said I give off...

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Hard to Please

I was having lunch with some local colleagues when the topic of me being able to bake came up."What kind of cookies do you make?" one of the girls asked excitedly. I started listing the crowd favourites, including chewy chocolate chip, chocolate chunk banana walnut, coconut macaroons, double chocolate brownies, etc. but she suddenly interrupted with:"DO YOU MAKE GREEN TEA COOKIES?!"I erred and ummed and watched her face melt in disappointment... ~_~ Damn Maxim Cakes and their ingenious cakes and...

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Race and the City

Looks like the Hong Kong Jockey Club is getting more creative in trying to lure women to the race track:I mean, why go to the bar/club when you can dress-up, get a manicure and have your fortune read in tarot cards, all the while in the company of hoards of men who love gambling? It's the perfect place to find your eligible bachelor, dontcha think? :PI wonder if attracting girls to the horse races is the HKJC's indirect strategy to get more men to come and spend money on the horses. And if so, would...

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Chinese Halloween

They came like a swarm of bees. Loud, chattering and giggling away, a pack of 10-15 HK girls flooded our office, rushing towards all married people and asking for red pockets (lai-see)."JOIN US!!” they squealed in high pitched voices, tugging on my arm as I sat frozen at my desk, eyes staring widely back at them. “C’mon!! Come with us!!” Before I could respond - off they went, swarming towards the other end of the office to pounce on all the other married folks down the hall.A few minutes later,...

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Canadian Passport Renewal in Hong Kong

FYI: This is an FYI posting about Canadian passports and the hassles that come along with them.So, the situation is that it’s 2009 right, and my passport doesn’t officially expire until August 11th of this year. I thought that would have left me a good enough block of time to renew it the next time I went home, but nuh-uh.It turns out that most Asian countries require a six month validity on all Canadian passports (sounds familiar, I know) and without this, you’re not able to get past immigration officers of the receiving country. I get this rule and all, but what I don’t really understand is why is it six whole months before the passport even...

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Oooo, dont feel too good

HK's great and all, but it sure does come w/ a lot of stomachaches. You never know if what you're eating is safe, and now that three people in China have died from the bird flu in a month, I'm starting to get freaked out big time.I'm sure you've heard it all before. Bird flu mutating, going from bird to bird, bird to human, and we're now waiting for it to go from human to human. When that happens, we're basically doomed as there are no known cures and it's got a very low survival rate.I watched a documentary recently that enlightened and terrified me at the same time. Apparently, scientists have already created a bird-flu vaccine, but only 250...

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Wanchai Homeless Beggar

It was by chance that I discovered this HK beggar, otherwise known as the Wanchai Homeless Beggar. I was on my way to work along Lockhart Road, eyes on the sidewalk watching out for cockroaches (dead or alive) when I stumbled upon a big pile of sh*t.Soft and spread out, it had a rich, dark brown colour and for a second there, I might have mistaken it for dark chocolate sauce. It was that smooth.However, a few feet away, I found the creator of the 'chocolate sauce' - a dark man with disheveled black...

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Beggars in Hong Kong

If you've ever set foot in Hong Kong, you'd know that there are quite a lot of beggars in the city. They range from being deranged to perfectly sane, anatomically complete or missing some limbs, smooth skinned or charred burn victims, honestly homeless or simply just faking it. To help you out, I'll be showcasing some of the more famous or recognisable ones here. First up is the plastic bag lady who can often be seen hanging at the base of LKF: Covered from head to toe in plastic bag bundles,...

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Bowl of Bitchy

Seen on the sweatshirt of a 30ish chubby local HK woman on my way to work this morning:CAUTIONI HAD A BOWLOF BITCHYTHIS MORNINGPriceless. Totally priceless...

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No turning back

Hong Kong is a place full of choices. Just take one look down any street. There are hundreds of restaurants to choose from, thousands of stores, millions of shoes and handbags. So, how do you choose??For a Gemini like myself, choices = disaster. Every decision is a potential regret, and not being able to do it all is a killer!! But you know what, it's inevitable that I have to eventually make a choice, like it or not.When it's just a shopping purchase, it's reassuring to know that you can always take it back. But when it's a life decision, some things just can't be reversed. I must say now that it's clear that I made the worse-off decision two...

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Monkey Business

The other day I was at the Mong Kok Computer Centre with two friends (S&A), who were both looking to buy a new digital camera. They already had a camera in mind (the Canon 880) so we were just going around comparing prices. At Broadway, the camera was around 2700 HKD but now we were seeing the ‘water product’ version for around 1700 HKD. (TIP! Basically ‘water product’ is a different version of the camera that doesn’t come with a warranty from the camera company itself, but you still get a year...

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