We all know that Hong Kong people lack manners (especially in the MTR), but have you ever wondered why that is? Besides the sheer size of the population and the lack of etiquette training growing up, I think I've finally figured it out -- it's cuz they don't know how to drive!
Yes, driving is not only a skill that gets you from point A to point B. It also teaches you to look out for and notice other people (even if it's for a selfish reason, ie. defensive driving) because if you f--k up, you die. Simple as that.
In Hong Kong, the consequences of f--king up aren't as bad (e.g. you might get a meaty body slam here and there), but the rules of driving should still apply to the rules of walking! They are as follows:
- When driving (aka. walking), keep your eyes on the road - failure to do so will result in a head-on collision!
- Do not stop suddenly or perform any abrupt U-turns, especially without signaling - unless you want to create a 5-person pile-up.
- When entering or changing lanes, always shoulder check to see who's behind you first.
- After changing lanes, accelerate until you match the walking speed of those in the faster lane so you don't slow anyone down.
- Keep your hands and legs inside of your vehicle at all times and do not swing them around - unless your goal is to lodge your hand into some old (wo)man's crotch or ass crack.
- Do not tailgate, especially on the escalator, or prepare to get a big fat fart cloud in your face.
- When someone's in your way, use your horn (aka. SPEAK UP!) - don't just stand there and hope they notice you breathing down their neck.
- When there is a traffic jam (or more commonly in HK -- an umbrella jam), don't slow down, just keep on walking!
- When backing into a parking lot (or in HK, an MTR seat), always check your rearview mirrors to make sure your ass actually fits into the alloted space (instead of landing your ass cheeks on your neighbours' thighs).