Miss Fong in Hong Kong Xmas Cards

So, besides selling fook-less Xmas tree ornaments at the Handmade HK bazaar last weekend, I also had a small selection of Xmas cards on sale that I designed myself :D (no fook there either, sorry lady)! There are five designs in total: Chinese Santa Frosty in HK Curry Fishmas Rudolph vs. Rudie All I Want for Xmas is… (Dim Sum!) Thanks to everyone who came by and picked them up! I hope you're enjoying your cards/ornaments/bow ties/fimo! :) Also big thanks to the people at Asia...

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Put a little fook into it

In preparation of the Handmade HK Xmas Bazaar, I ran into my neighborhood stationery store to see if they had any more goodies for me to craft something out of. It's always fun to go in there because the store is run by an older husband and wife (?) team who are quite possibly insane. That sounds a bit harsh, I know, but you'd think so too if you met them. Simply walking in will elicit a maniacal laugh from the old man (not to mention any requests, ie. "Pens?! Ha ha ha ha ha!!") and the woman isn't much better with her bulging eyes, chatter mouth and snarky comments (ie. to a small child: "Get it yourself, you're a big boy!") While paying,...

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No more Gangnam Style

Feeling particular uninspired lately and even less so after watching the Hong Kong version of Gangnam Style. I get it -- people all over the world love PSY and his horse dancing but do we really need to watch his video over and over (each time with different people doing the same exact moves)!? According to Jaynestars.com, Cantopop stars Leo Ku and Ekin Cheng decided to make this video simply because they thought that their buddy Wilson Chin resembled PSY. So, does that mean that anyone who even slightly resembles PSY (and there's a lot of people out there who do) should make a Gangnam Style video of their own? ... NO!! Not only is the...

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My egg waffle man

It's funny how someone can piss you off so much without saying a word. Take for instance, my local egg waffle man.  A few weeks ago (yes, I hold a grudge), I was hoping to ask him if it'd be possible for him to make me some red egg waffles for my friend's moon-yuet party -- a traditional yet modern twist on those red eggs usually served at those parties.  I know it seems like an awkward request, but I deliberately chose a time when he had no customers to make my approach. Walking up with a friendly smile, I told him the story of how my friend, who had been in confinement for the past 30 days, would love nothing more than to...

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Unsightly sightings

I dunno why but the past week has been full of unsightly sightings, like: 1. Last Friday, the showers at the gym stopped working, and some chick was walking around with a towel covering just the front of her crotch (but not the back). As a result, when she walked away, I couldn't help but see her bare ass and her brown ass crack - UGH! 2. If that wasn't enough, when I later bent down to untie my shoes, the lady next to me JUST happened to pull down her pants, resulting in my face being 2 inches away from her bare and clammy ass! :O 3. A few days later, an older white lady was blow-drying her hair facing the mirror completely...

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How to piss off perverts in Hong Kong

Hong Kong girls are known for being slightly more conservative than their overseas counterparts (holla!) -- often covering up their skin and what little curves they have with layers of lace and ruffles, so, what's a horny guy to do? Peek up their skirts, that's what! We already know about the genius who installed a camera into the toe of his shoes to snap upskirt photos on moving escalators, but now, thanks to the DAB (that's Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong, phew!) Women's...

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Japan's version of Face Off!

Ahh, Japan. What would we do without your creepy inventions?  I'm annoyed that I didn't come across these earlier as they would have been perfect for Halloween! What I'm talking about are the plastic face masks made by Japanese company Real-F that are an exact replica of … YOUR FACE (or anyone else's).  Hello, beautiful! The details are down to the pores, moles, eyelashes, and blood vessels, which they create by taking pictures of your face from various angles and imprinting...

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Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar

I haven't been seeing many beggars around lately, except for the LKF Plastic Bag Lady and possibly the Wanchai Homeless Beggar whom I think I spotted in Lan Kwai Fong the other night. However, I did see a rather upbeat and jolly beggar a few weeks ago in Tin Hau just outside the MTR station on King's Road. He had picked a good location, since sizable crowds would gather while waiting to cross the busy intersection.  At first glance, the Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar (you'll understand the...

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My evil thoughts

Sometimes, I get these evil thoughts. Like today, when this elderly Mandarin-speaking woman in front of me at the MTR customer service counter opened her mouth wide, turned towards me and started making these deep and dry-throated "BLEH-EH-EHH" noises. Apparently, she had some phlegm lodged in her throat, and believed that the longer the "BLEHHH" the more chunks of phlegm she could move upwards into her mouth. It was pretty gross, and as expected my "WTF" face didn't faze her at all. Even the guy...

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The rules of walking in Hong Kong

We all know that Hong Kong people lack manners (especially in the MTR), but have you ever wondered why that is? Besides the sheer size of the population and the lack of etiquette training growing up, I think I've finally figured it out -- it's cuz they don't know how to drive!  Yes, driving is not only a skill that gets you from point A to point B. It also teaches you to look out for and notice other people (even if it's for a selfish reason, ie. defensive driving) because if you f--k up, you die. Simple as that.  In Hong Kong, the consequences of f--king up aren't as bad (e.g. you might get a meaty body slam here...

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A hairy wristband

I know it's rude to stare, but last night, I saw something that I just couldn't tear my eyes away from. He was standing across me in the MTR, looking rather normal for a Hong Kong dude (glasses, short black hair, T-shirt and jeans, and holding an iPad). It was probably his iPad that drew my eyes toward his wrist, which is how I noticed that he was wearing some kind of hairy wristband. 'Pretty neat,' I thought to myself as my eyes zoomed in, wondering what kind of material it was made of. It was...

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Your Yawn Face

Manners are a funny thing. To some, they seem instinctual. To others (especially in Hong Kong), they don't even exist.  Take covering your mouth when you yawn as an example. Apparently, this manner was created in the medieval times in order to prevent the soul from escaping the body (no idea what happened if you opened your mouth to talk or eat). Later, it became a practical thing. Back when people had horrible dental hygiene (read: none), it was a good way of shielding your friends...

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Get well soon, fruit man

I used to buy my fruit cups from Fong Jie (Sister Fong) on Pottinger Street, right next to Shake 'Em Buns, until one day, they closed down abruptly and just disappeared. There was no sign to explain where they'd gone, and nothing to tell us whether they'd moved or just gone out of business. They'd always been pretty busy, so it didn't make sense why they would move or shut down. Anyway, I was passing by two days ago right as another man was putting the finishing touches on the replacement shop in the same spot, so I stopped to ask him what happened to Fong Jie.  "Don't you know? She moved back to Tseung Kwan O," he said while sticking...

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Screw diets!

There's something quite sobering about a haggard-looking woman in her 50s talking about the latest diet she's about to go on, especially when it's not even a new diet like the Dukan. Instead, she's planning on doing the prehistoric cabbage soup diet again (you know, the one where you eat cabbage soup for two weeks), in an effort to make herself bikini-ready for her next beach holiday. While I'm no stranger to diets, I had always assumed that I'd give up on all that once I reached a certain age (say, 40 or 50). I mean, what's the point, really? Hopefully by then I'd be settled down and loved for every inch and roll that I have, not to mention...

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Canto 101: Three-inch men

Just when you were running out of insults for the short men in your life (there's only so many times you can call him shortie, lil guy, midget and Willow before he goes numb), here's another one for ya: three-inch nail (saam chyun deng, 三寸釘 ).  Yup, leave it to the Cantonese to come up with slang that's both creative and totally appropriate! Let's examine the ways in which 3-inch nails are similar to short men: they're both steely and cold, not quite long enough to be useful,...

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Little Miss Blockhead

There's a girl in my building whom I just had to immortalize into drawing. I see her maybe once a week, sometimes less, but each time, I'm shocked at how BIG her head is. Not only is it big, it's also totally block-shaped, thanks to her square jaw and thick, black hair that's cut and blown in the shape of a box. Stupid happy blockhead Sometimes, I'll see her strutting down the street alone with a big goofy smile on her face, apparently feeling very happy about herself despite not having anyone...

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All about locusts

The war between Hong Kongers and mainlanders has been getting intense with the latest ammo fired being a full page newspaper ad that depicts our Northern neighbours as locusts. Now, there's even a depressing Cantopop song and music video being circulated around that sums up all the reasons to hate mainlanders (ie. their spitting, squatting and shitting in public, not queuing up, coming to HK to have babies, buying up everything we can't afford, being loud, being ugly, the list goes on and on). I...

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Tapping the reef

After six consecutive days of diving in the pristine turquoise waters of the Celebes Sea, you could say that I'm going through a little bit of withdrawal. So much so that I, someone who usually hates playing any kind of computer/iPhone game including Angry Birds, Plants vs. Zombies and the like, have downloaded Tap Reef 2, a mind-numbingly pointless game where 3D fish and turtles swim around in an artificial reef and wait for me to feed, pet and even breed them (hey, it's a form of exercise). So...

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Cockroach CSI: Death by Coffee Drowning

As mentioned before, I am a total cockroach magnet. At my old job, the cockroaches LOVED my corner cubicle and now, we share our tiny SoHo office space with a very fertile family of miniature roaches, who have been spotted anywhere from my desk to the cubicle walls to the secretary's phone. Luckily, the mini roaches mostly come out at night when we've all gone home for the day, but sometimes the next morning, we'll find them in the strangest places -- like in our coffee mugs. Yup, one morning,...

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Jacky Cheung: King of Cantopop

I don't have posters of him on my walls, I don't have his name in LED lights, nor do I even really know what he's singing about BUT -- I have to say I'm a huge fan of Jacky Cheung (not to be confused with that silly fool Jackie Chan)! I guess it all started back when I was just a '90s tween in Canada. Jacky had come to perform at this small theatre stage in Vancouver, and I remember running down the aisle every few minutes to take pictures of him dancing around in an Austin Powers'-esque costume. At the end of the show, I ran down to the stage again, hoping to meet Jacky in person, but all I could find, after hoisting myself halfway onto...

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