0 comments 31.7.11

Central Bulging Eye Flute Playing Beggar

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , ,
Our latest beggar is talented in more ways than one. Located in Central on Queen's Road near exit D1 or D2, you can usually hear him from a block away since he plays traditional Chinese tunes on an old wooden flute.

As if that wasn't difficult enough, he tends to be squatting the whole time, so I have no idea how his blood flows back up to his brain at all. Or maybe it doesn't flow all that well, since one of his eyes is significantly bigger than the other and bulges out to the side.

I've never stopped for long enough to listen to an entire song of his, as I'm usually shuffling by with the lunch-hour or after-work stampede of office workers, but I'm thinking of giving him a little more attention the next time I'm nearby. 

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7 comments 28.7.11

Tips for secretaries: When to order water

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , , , ,
I always thought being a secretary was pretty damn easy. All you have to do is answer the phone, order birthday cakes occasionally and watch YouTube (or YouKu) for the rest of the day.

I guess our secretary's got it extra hard though because she also has to make sure we have enough drinking water in the office, which isn't always the case. In fact, there's already been two incidents when the water's ran out, and wouldn't be delivered for another few days.

Every time this happens, I'm quite annoyed since we already don't have a pantry, fridge or tea lady to clean our mugs, but we should, at the very least, have a steady supply of water, right? Sure, I could go out and buy myself a bottle but that's a) environmental UNfriendly and b) a waste of my hard earned money!

Since I understand that not everyone in this world has a working brain, I've created a series of what I hope are easy to understand pictures to help our dear secretary know when to order water:

If there are two full bottles of water in addition to the one in the machine, there is NO NEED to order water yet.

If there is one full bottle of water and still some water left in the machine, make a mental note that you MAY need to order water soon whilst keeping one eye on the water level in the existing bottle.

If you have two empty bottles and a full bottle in the machine, it's TIME to place an order for water. Yes, it may seem that there's a lot of water left, but it's 35+ freakin' degrees outside and you've got a lot of sweaty, thirsty and parched workers in the office. So place the order NOW already!!

If every water bottle including the one in the machine is empty, you're TOO F@#KING LATE! Once again, you have amazed us with your stupidity and lack of brain cells!!

I hope this is clear and helps all the secretaries out there. For more information, check out my book "7 Habits of Highly Brainless Secretaries" coming out this fall.

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2 comments 23.7.11

I'm a coral mutant

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , , ,
So, I've spoken to a few other divers about my "ocean revelation" and I seem to be the only one who's become this affected by all the fish and underwater creatures I saw. While everyone raves about how awesome diving is, not too many emerge from the water with a new life mission: to save the ocean...and the world!! (OK, one thing at a time.)

I'm not exactly sure why I'm this moved either, since I was the one going, "What's wrong with the ocean?" just a few weeks ago. It was only when my knees started itching that I realised what might be going on.

When I was diving, I couldn't quite control my buoyancy, which meant that I was either hovering near the surface like a hot-air balloon or dragging my knees along the corals or ocean bottom as a disapproving turtle watched on.

When I came back on land, I found a bunch of small scrapes on my knees and legs that started to itch like mad when I returned to Hong Kong. Not knowing what to do, I self-diagnosed myself with Google and found out I had a coral rash, which meant that bits of coral had actually embedded themselves into my legs, spreading into my bloodstream, my brain, and slowly transforming me into a half-coral-half-woman!!

OK, fine, maybe it's just my imagination but it definitely explains what's going on, doesn't it? (For the record, my legs are back to normal now and look nothing like coral -- PHEW! -- but I've still got coral on the mind.) I've even booked my next diving trip already, yippy! :)
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3 comments 12.7.11

Turtle Love and How to Save the Ocean

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , , ,
It's true... I have seen the light TURTLE! :D

Make that turtleS to be exact, as there was definitely no shortage of them during my diving adventures in Malaysia. Other than the majestic whale shark, seeing a turtle was on the top of my wishlist for the trip, and that was already fulfilled on the first day of my trip while snorkeling just a metre or two off the shore of my resort (and s/he was the biggest one yet at 1.5m wide)!!

From that point, it could only get better, and boy did it ever. Learning to dive is one of the most amazing things I've ever done, and I can't recommend enough to anyone who hasn't yet tried it. It's not just an incredible feeling to be breathing underwater, being 'neutrally buoyant' or the thrill of going into the deep. For me, it was about discovering a whole new world that I had completely taken for granted before seeing it for myself.

If you ever get a chance to see all the extraordinary wildlife that exists underwater, you'll see that living on land just doesn't cut it anymore. Underwater, I came face-to-face with all sorts of creatures that I never even knew existed, like all the different coloured nudibranch, boxfish, bumphead parrotfish, wonder octopus (rarely seen, but never forgotten), and the list goes on and on. Think about it - is there anywhere on land where you can come thisclose to wild animals (without getting eaten up for lunch)? OK, maybe at the cockroach or butterfly farm, but that's just gross :p.

A brilliant nudibranch!
Cute lil' boxfish
After swimming with the upside down razorfish, having staring competitions with the disapproving green turtles, and playing hide-and-seek with the oddly cute polka-dot boxfish, I'll never call a fish boring or stupid again (and I'll be thinking twice before I order fish!) And while it was extremely fun to be in their world, it also broke my heart to see how innocent they were and how hugely affected they are by the way we humans live. Not only was there plastic garbage littered around their beautiful coral reefs, but I also learned that sea gypsies were using dynamite to kill everything in sight and sell the corpses to evil fishermen.

Funny how a few weeks ago, I was telling people how I just didn't get why ocean recovery was important; now, I can't stop talking about how we need to do something about it. If you are also wondering why, here's the reason in a nutshell:

On the surface, the ocean may look calm and serene. But, beneath the surface is a different story. All around the world, our oceans are in crisis. Overfishing and fish slaughter continues to put endangered species at risk and pollution from land-based sources is turning the oceans into a dumping ground. 

What this means is that in just a few years, there will be no more (clean) oceans for us to dive in, no more wildlife to admire, not much food left for humans and even worse global warming since we won't have the oceans anymore to regulate the planet's temperature and weather.

I know it's a bleak picture that no one wants to talk about, but I just wanted to share a few simple things we, here in Hong Kong, can do right away to help slow down the demise of the oceans:
  • Stop buying plastic water bottles (Watsons, Bonaqua, etc.) and install a filter on your tap instead
  • Don't go on cruise ships (they dump huge amounts of waste and sewage into the oceans, not to mention all the fat people and tacky shows on board)
  • Use less aluminum foil, plastic wrap and switch to re-useable tupperware
  • Even better, bring your own re-useable container if you're buying any kind of takeaway
  • Take shorter showers
  • Please, please STOP eating shark fin, even if you didn't order it (not only is it cruel, it's toxic too) 
Of course, there's a lot more that can be done and I'm still trying to come up with something more substantial, so if anyone out there is reading this and has any ideas, just shout!
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