2 comments 19.2.12

Canto 101: Three-inch men

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , , ,

Just when you were running out of insults for the short men in your life (there's only so many times you can call him shortie, lil guy, midget and Willow before he goes numb), here's another one for ya: three-inch nail (saam chyun deng, 三寸釘 ). 

Yup, leave it to the Cantonese to come up with slang that's both creative and totally appropriate! Let's examine the ways in which 3-inch nails are similar to short men: they're both steely and cold, not quite long enough to be useful, and both can turn out to be complete pricks!

Haha, just kidding... of course that all applies to normal men as well. But, add to the fact that 'inch' in Canto also sounds like the word for 'arrogant,' and the whole thing starts to make more sense than you think. 

Maybe I've got it wrong and three-inch nail is actually an endearing term for vertically challenged men. Anyone out there know? And if so, does that mean that three short men make 9-inch nails? 

\m/ |>_<| \m/
Continue reading...
6 comments 16.2.12

Little Miss Blockhead

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , , , ,
There's a girl in my building whom I just had to immortalize into drawing. I see her maybe once a week, sometimes less, but each time, I'm shocked at how BIG her head is. Not only is it big, it's also totally block-shaped, thanks to her square jaw and thick, black hair that's cut and blown in the shape of a box.

Stupid happy blockhead

Sometimes, I'll see her strutting down the street alone with a big goofy smile on her face, apparently feeling very happy about herself despite not having anyone around (that always creeps me out) but once our eyes meet and she catches me staring, her expression immediately darkens and she casts a glare at me like she wants me dead!

Angry blockhead

I could be wrong, but her glare also seems to say, "What are you staring at, you jealous of what I got?!" It's downright creepy and I usually divert my eyes right away. Maybe it's all in my head, but I highly doubt it as my colleague has spotted her before and got "the chills" too. What have I ever done to you, Little Miss Blockhead?

Continue reading...
6 comments 5.2.12

All about locusts

Posted by Miss Fong - Filed under , ,
The war between Hong Kongers and mainlanders has been getting intense with the latest ammo fired being a full page newspaper ad that depicts our Northern neighbours as locusts.

Now, there's even a depressing Cantopop song and music video being circulated around that sums up all the reasons to hate mainlanders (ie. their spitting, squatting and shitting in public, not queuing up, coming to HK to have babies, buying up everything we can't afford, being loud, being ugly, the list goes on and on).

I didn't really get the locust reference at first, but the more I read about these creepy crawlers, the more I understand...

You see, locusts are actually large grasshoppers who behave as individuals when there aren't that many of them around. BUT, the moment that a crowd of locusts form, they suddenly lose all sense of identity and kick into herd mentality, banding together in gangs of up to 40 billion (!!) and swarming to destroy everything in sight.

Scary, isn't it? Then, there's the theory of how they managed to fly across the Atlantic Ocean to get to the States way back when. Since there's no way they could have flown the whole way, the theory is that locusts flying at the front of the swarm may have died in the ocean and formed floating rafts of corpses for other members of the swarm to land on. The survivors then cannibalized the corpses to get more energy to keep flying all the way to America. *shudder*

And, you know what, a single migratory locust eats its own body weight in food each day, which is about 60-100x as much as we would eat per day! Talk about over-consumption.

An LV locust -- how appropriate.

So anyway ... back to the mainlanders. Unlike locusts that can be sprayed with pesticides or crushed under our feet, there's really nothing anyone can do about the invasion of mainlanders. And the fact is, they're not only in Hong Kong, they're taking over the world.

This couldn't have been more clear last week when I thought I was going to one of the most remote island paradises in the world. Instead, we were greeted by a resort packed with Chinese tourists -- yep, the kind that travel in big groups, let their kids pee anywhere they like and hoard all the food from the dinner buffets. Sigh.

There was even a mainland couple on our diving trip to Sipadan, whom I wouldn't have minded had Mr. Big 6 been a better scuba buddy. However, he turned out to be a selfish, childish idiot who kept swimming around recklessly to chase and harass all the fish, turtles and sharks, cutting off the other divers and kicking us in the face with his fins. He even told me to take pictures of him doing so, which I obviously ignored while secretly hoping for a live viewing of shark attack (which sadly didn't happen).

Obviously, not all mainlanders are gross, selfish and disgusting, but when you group them together into one gigantic mass of locusts, it gets pretty hard to see any beauty in that.

Continue reading...