my fave instagrammers

Nothing cracks me up more than silly animals dressed up/looking funny and/or doing weird things on Instagram! So it should come as no surprise that all my fave Instagrammers are animals. :D

Here are my top five -- who are yours? :)

@roohahn

Roo is an adorable two-legged, T-rex-like chihuahua with monster-truck wheels, a silly :P face and a wide range of wigs inspired by Marilyn and Britney.

@famousniki

Niki the Russian Scottish Fold silver tabby (identity crisis much?) enjoys sitting up like a man and doing various other humanly things.

@trotterpup

No other bitch plays dress up as well as this black French bulldog from SF.

@chihuahua_tosti

Traveling only via Louis Vuitton luggage, Tosti the posh long-haired chihuahua picnics in the park and jet-sets around the world with his ultra-fab Dutch owner.

@colonelmeow

Quite possibly the fluffiest, angriest and most badass cat in the world. If there ever was a cat god, he'd be it.

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Squished!

You know that idiot who rushes into the MTR at the very last second when the doors are going doot-doot-doot-doot-doot and gets caught right in between, forcing the doors to bounce back open and the entire MTR train to stall, not to mention all the other trains behind it?

...yup. That was me. :/

I never thought it would be, but I blame my super sound-proof earbuds from Samsung and a particularly juicy email I was reading on my phone. As usual, I was following a massive crowd into the MTR, with no clue of how many seconds had passed since the doors had first opened, and before I knew it, I was being violently shoved to the left and squished in between the two platform doors.

What's worse -- my middle finger (which happens to be the longest part of me when squished, good to know) was caught in the actual MTR doors, and I can only imagine what the people on the inside were thinking as they stared at my lone finger poking through.

Time stood still as I wondered whether anyone would notice that I was stuck, and whether the train would suddenly take off with my middle finger (hopefully not as it's got my favourite ring on it!). It was a little like being Hans Brinker -- you know, the Dutch boy who plugged a leaky dam with his finger -- only I was clogging up the MTR trains with mine.

The whole time, I made sure to avoid eye contact and keep a blank expression on my face as if nothing strange was happening (the way a true Hong Konger would) until finally, the doors sprung back open and I was freeeee!!!

PS. For anyone wondering what it feels like to be squished by the MTR doors, they're actually much stronger than they look! Don't expect them to be like elevator doors that spring open at the lightest touch -- these doors can and will probably crush old people with osteoporosis (so drink your milk, kids!). I got two giant bruises on both arms after this incident, so watch out! :(

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Canto 101: Ocean skin

In my ongoing quest to become more Chinese, I'm picking up my Canto-learning again, one step at a time. That means listening to more Cantopop on KKBOX (reading lyrics really helps) and taking note of any interesting phrases I come across.

One of them is 海皮 -- "hoi pei", which means sea shore. I first heard it when taxi drivers would ask me if I wanted to go home via the highway or the "hoi pei", and it's never not sounded funny to me.

In my head, I just can't help visualizing it as literally the "ocean skin" since "海" means ocean and "皮" means skin. Am I crazy?? To be fair, "ocean skin" is a super accurate description of the sea shore as the "skin" can be anything from sandy and bumpy to smooth and layered.

To use this word, simply tell your taxi driver, "NO highway, YES hoi-pei!" Other suggestions welcome!

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What to say to HK celebrities

For some reason, seeing Hong Kong celebs always kicks my heart rate up a notch, especially the ones that I grew up watching in movies or TVB back in Canada.

Since moving to HK, I've personally met (read: turned into a goofy fangirl in front of) Adam Cheng, Donnie Yen, Moses Chan and Simon Yam, just to name a few, and while most of these sightings were through work, I've also been running into quite a few celebs on my own too.

Like, I've had breakfast with TV show host Egg, seen Cantopop singer Lui Fong buy Taiwanese fried chicken before dashing back into his car, watched one of the Grasshoppers drive by on Queen's Road Central, bumped into Bernice Liu at a concert and walked past the one-and-only Chow Yun Fat (disguised as a homeless man) in Central. What can I say, Hong Kong is small.

But, my most recent sighting was completely unexpected when I ran into Mr. Good Hair himself, Ekin 'Noodle' Cheng at a random high-end lifestyle store, where it was just him and his wife in the store with us. 

EKIN!!

At first, I tried to play it cool by pretending I didn't notice nor know him, but as the minutes passed and all these Ekin-scenes started to flash through my mind, I couldn't help but succumb to my fangirl-dom and ask for a picture (correction: I was so nervous that CC had to ask for me!).

How awkward ... as I stood in between him and his wife for a photo. Those seconds felt like minutes as we stood side-by-side, careful not to make any physical contact. 

To make matters worse, I actually turned to Ekin and blurted out, "You look like my dad!" To which he replied, "Really?" (NO... not really.. I have no idea why I said that...Sorry Ekin!!)

Ahhh, so embarrassing. But hopefully, others have said worse things. Right?? RIGHT?? OK, maybe not. But anyhoo... This incident got me thinking about what I should do the next time I run into a celeb, like... maybe say hi first, make some small talk (about their latest work, favourite movie, how amazing they are, what they are wearing, what they are doing today, NOT how much they look like my dad -- no offense, Dad), and then...ask for a pic.

Of course, I'm assuming that my brain will be working logically at that time, which in all likelihood it won't, so what the hell, "Hey!! Can I have a picture?" it is!

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In the mood for CNY

I've never been big on Chinese New Year -- sure, I buy my ONE zodiac animal fook sign each year and hang it on my front door -- but I usually don't make much of an effort to follow any of the other traditions that you're supposed to do before, during and after(?) CNY. What can I say, I'm a phony Chinese…(otherwise known as a Canadian-Chinese, haha ;)

This year is a different story though, as I've been getting totally worked up about everything CNY, including the flower fair, the different laisee packet designs, red and gold this and that, traditional costumes, superstitions, calendars, etc.!

It must be because I've been working on a special project for the Asia Society Hong Kong Center (that you should definitely hit up if you're in town) -- the Chinese New Year Family Day this Sunday, Feb 3!

I'd go if I could, but I'm off to be "reunited" with my family in Canada (seee, one CNY tradition fulfilled), so I'll be missing out on the God of Fortune, lion and ribbon dances, Chinese puppet shows, Cantonese opera, CNY food galore, silk knotting, paper dragon making, shaolin demos, story telling and the chance to dress up as little emperors and empresses -- how cute!

It's technically for kids but I'm sure they won't mind a few bigger kids running around, and when you're there, don't forget to take a look at some of the artwork around the event (drawn by yours truly)!

Here's a sneak peek/exclusive compilation:

Happy Year of the S-s-s-nake! :)~

-Miss Fong

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A lesson in small talk…

There's a reason why the weather is such a great subject to talk about. It's safe, far from personal and everyone can relate to it. UNLIKE BIMPLES!!

That's right -- bimples, aka. back pimples, or bacne (back-acne) if you prefer.

I was sitting at my desk typing away when my colleague snuck up from behind me to whisper, "Do you ever grow 'lup-lups' on your back?"

I turned my head slowly to come face-to-face with her extremely concerned expression.

"Lup…lup…?" I couldn't believe she was asking me this. (Lup-lup means little bumps in Canto, translation = zits)

"Yes, I saw your back through your sweater," (I was wearing a sweater with a teardrop cutout on the back), "and I just wondered if you ever grew zits there."

"Um… no…" I said slowly, trying to hide my disgust behind a polite smile.

"Because I do!" she exclaimed. "I can't wear sweaters like that because I have zits on my back. That's why I take Chinese medicine, to keep them from coming back."

Shocked, grossed out and fighting the vivid images of bacne in my head, I racked my brain for zits-related things to say and started blabbing, "Oh, I know people who grow zits on their back too. And on their shoulders, and other parts of the body. Actually, I get zits sometimes on my chin. It's totally normal, yea…"

By then, she had returned to her desk and sat down, and the conversation was over, as if it had never happened.

So yea, bacne, not a good subject. Please don't ever talk to me about it again. T_T"

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Miss Fong in Hong Kong Xmas Cards

So, besides selling fook-less Xmas tree ornaments at the Handmade HK bazaar last weekend, I also had a small selection of Xmas cards on sale that I designed myself :D (no fook there either, sorry lady)!

There are five designs in total:

• Chinese Santa
• Frosty in HK
• Curry Fishmas
• Rudolph vs. Rudie
• All I Want for Xmas is… (Dim Sum!)

Thanks to everyone who came by and picked them up! I hope you're enjoying your cards/ornaments/bow ties/fimo! :)

Also big thanks to the people at Asia Society Hong Kong for stocking my cards! They're now on sale at the gift store right outside the ultra hip and happening' AMMO, so be sure to take a peek while you're on a pee break (the store is in between the restaurant and the restrooms)!

**Update: The Xmas cards are also now stocked at KONZEPP (50 Tung Street, Lower Ground Floor, Sheung Wan)!** Yay! Get 'em while you can! :)

Alternatively if you'd like to order any cards from me directly, please feel free to send me an email at sheupy@hotmail.com (I've got just a few left!). Thanks and happy holidays everyone! *<|:{) ~ho ho ho!

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Put a little fook into it

In preparation of the Handmade HK Xmas Bazaar, I ran into my neighborhood stationery store to see if they had any more goodies for me to craft something out of. It's always fun to go in there because the store is run by an older husband and wife (?) team who are quite possibly insane.

That sounds a bit harsh, I know, but you'd think so too if you met them. Simply walking in will elicit a maniacal laugh from the old man (not to mention any requests, ie. "Pens?! Ha ha ha ha ha!!") and the woman isn't much better with her bulging eyes, chatter mouth and snarky comments (ie. to a small child: "Get it yourself, you're a big boy!")

While paying, she asked me what I was making with all that stuff "anyway" and I mentioned this arts and crafts market to her.

"You know, we all make things by hand and go sell it at a community centre," I explained.

She looked confused. "Handmade?"

"Yea, you know, made by hand!"

She still wasn't convinced, so I decided to show her one of my products -- the felt Christmas tree.

"Here it is!" I said, proudly, as I flashed her the picture on my iPhone. Squinting down at it, her expression, which seemed to say "chieehhh" in Cantonese (aka. meh) didn't budge, not even after I swiped to show her a few more products.

After a long pause, she finally said, "I know! What you need is a little fook!"

She got up and scuttled to the back of the store, yelling, "Come here!"

I followed, and she pointed at these tiny squares of lai see envelopes in red and yellow with the word '福' (read: fortune) emblazoned on it.

"Fook? Isn't that for Chinese New Year? My things are for Christmas!"

She looked at me incredulously and said, "Don't be silly! You can never have enough fook. Trust me, if you attach one of these to each of your products, they'll sell, big time!"

"Umm, I'll think about it..." I muttered as I walked out of her store, but as I turned the corner, I could hear her yelling out, "You can't make a big fortune without spending a small fortune!!!"

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No more Gangnam Style

Feeling particular uninspired lately and even less so after watching the Hong Kong version of Gangnam Style. I get it -- people all over the world love PSY and his horse dancing but do we really need to watch his video over and over (each time with different people doing the same exact moves)!?



According to Jaynestars.com, Cantopop stars Leo Ku and Ekin Cheng decided to make this video simply because they thought that their buddy Wilson Chin resembled PSY. So, does that mean that anyone who even slightly resembles PSY (and there's a lot of people out there who do) should make a Gangnam Style video of their own? ... NO!!

Not only is the Hong Kong Gangnam Style video utterly unoriginal (everything about the video is the same as PSY's; only the backgrounds have changed), the worst part is, the stupid girl in the front doesn't even know how to do the horse dance (um, hello, you need to JUMP and lift your feet off the ground)!! Ugh.

Having said that, props to Fat Dragon in Vancouver who made a REAL Gangnam Style spoof called "我怕國民 style" (lit. I'm afraid of China style), which sounds like "Oppa Gwokman Style" and features original lyrics in Canto protesting against the national education "brainwashing" program:




Talk about using what's trending in popular culture to draw attention to an important issue! I know it's not the prettiest thing to watch nor is it the best production out there, but it definitely gets top marks for originality in my books!

C'mon Hong Kong, you can do better than this. When are we going to see some real "港男" style?

(Translation: 港男 'gong nam' comes from 香港 (Hong Kong) 男子 (guy) -- get it?)

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My egg waffle man

It's funny how someone can piss you off so much without saying a word. Take for instance, my local egg waffle man. 

A few weeks ago (yes, I hold a grudge), I was hoping to ask him if it'd be possible for him to make me some red egg waffles for my friend's moon-yuet party -- a traditional yet modern twist on those red eggs usually served at those parties. 

I know it seems like an awkward request, but I deliberately chose a time when he had no customers to make my approach. Walking up with a friendly smile, I told him the story of how my friend, who had been in confinement for the past 30 days, would love nothing more than to have some yummy Hong Kong egg waffles at her party, and if it were at all possible, if he could just make a few egg waffles for me if I brought the red dye to him, perhaps before he opened shop one morning. 

The egg waffle man, a skinny Chinese guy in his late 20s or early 30s who'd been staring at me with a dull facial expression, took a few seconds to process this and then ... shook his head. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping to find out why he couldn't do it. "I'll bring the red dye and I only need 1-2 waffles."

He shook his head once more with his jaw jutted out. 

"I'll pay you double, no, triple for them, and I'll even clean the batter jugs for you afterwards!!" 

Again, he shook his head with that 'yeung seui' expression on his face. Now, I was getting angry. 

"What do you mean no? Can't you just tell me why? What's the reason you can't do it? Tell me so I can understand!" I sputtered at him in my crappy Cantonese.

Once again, he simply shook his head. 

"Who's in charge here?!" I demanded to know.

And then, finally, the egg waffle man spoke. "I am."

At that, I did a complete 180 and left fuming, cursing the damn egg waffle man for not even trying to be helpful or at least having the courtesy to make up an excuse for why he wasn't going to help me. 

I mean, it's not like I was trying to take over his stand! If he was worried about mess, or trouble, or anything like that, I would have understood (okay, I might have tried to convince him otherwise first) but still, to be shut out like that by someone who just won't even talk to you -- I just didn't get it!

Five steps later though, I finally got it. The dude's an EGG WAFFLE MAN. He only makes one thing,  all day, every day in his life. He's not the rainbow egg waffle man, nor the chocolate chip waffle man, or god forbid, a fish ball man. He's a frickin' egg waffle man -- and that is all he shall EVER BE. 

(But damn, does he make good egg waffles.)  

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