Tazed and confused

So…the votes are in and it seems that most people actually dig armpit hair…! However, I decided to go through with my laser hair removal appointment anyway and boy do I have a story to tell…

First of all, let me explain the reason why I even signed up for laser hair removal in the first place. The thought of doing it had never really occurred to me until an email landed in my inbox from the increasingly random group buying giant Groupon, this time advertising for 'permanent hair removal at just HK$388 (instead of HK$6,000)'. Since it was for an unlimited number of treatments, I thought, "Meh, what the hell. It's cheap. Why not?" Smart consumers would of course do a background check of where the laser hair removal would be done, but silly me figured it'd be fine, wherever it was. But little did I know…

The company I had bought the deal from is called Brand New Skin and located in Tsim Sha Tsui East on the basement floor of a browned and aging mall. To my surprise, the address led me to what looked like a makeshift office, where the interior was partitioned into various rooms by typical cubicle walls. To be honest, the place looked more like a pop-up blood donation booth than an actual beauty salon where laser hair removal would take place.

Thy advertisement sucks!

After registering my name, the 'technician' (read: random middle-aged woman) asked me to get ready in the 'operation room' (pictured below), which basically meant take my shirt off, lie down and get ready to get zapped. So I did. When she walked in, everything happened so quickly. She tucked paper napkins into my bra to cover my stomach and neck, gave me some orange sunglasses to wear, slapped a bit of clear jelly on my underarm, and then started zapping.

The bare-bones 'operation room' with a toy-like laser machine!

This is where I have to say - I have NEVER experienced anything more PAINFUL in my ENTIRE LIFE! And this is coming from someone who's got a pretty high tolerance for pain (really!). Pinch me, drill my teeth, punch me in the face - I can handle all that. But the feeling of the intense lasers piercing deep into my armpits (like giant 4" needles), pulse by pulse, row by row, was completely unbearable and had me writhing in pain, shouting, "Stop!! Stop!! STOP!!!" Unimpressed, the woman did stop for a few seconds, telling me in a flat voice to just bear the pain, but before I could catch my breath, she started again, piercing into my underarms and heating them up so much that I was convinced that they were burnt to a crisp like a roasted suckling pig.

"Ahhh!! Am I burnt??" I squealed as she kept on pulsing, row by row. "I'm almost done, hold on," she said, emotionless as ever, and then asked me to switch arms, which I reluctantly did. More zapping and screaming ensued, and by the time she was finally finished, she left the room hastily, leaving me lying on the bed with my arms hanging over my head and a frozen expression of shock on my face. 

I think I was lying like that for a good five minutes before slowly coming back to my senses, wondering what the hell had just happened to me. I mean, the feeling must be similar to the way people feel after being tortured, tazed or abducted by aliens. Dazed, confused and with very sore underarms, I got dressed carefully and left the office building wondering if I'd ever return.

Curious about how all the other women do it, I did a bit of research online and found out that in professional salons, the laser should only feel like a rubber band snapping against the skin, and that if it hurts too much, they should give you a cream to numb the pain! If I go back, which I think I probably will (yes, we women are nuts), I will probably find my own to apply beforehand. I mean, I can't waste my HK$388 now can I?? :p

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Ghostly Guards

"Hi Elaine, can you please get someone to remove the 'ghost' that is in the pot outside of our apartment door before we move in?"

A few minutes later, my housing agent replied: "In Chinese, the ghost must remove by the landlord. I discuss call you later."

Who (or what) is this ghost, you ask? To be honest, I haven't really got a clue either. I only noticed the little red pot of soil outside of my new front door last weekend when a few of my friends pointed it out, saying that I shouldn't touch it and that I'd better get rid of it before moving in this Saturday.

According to local sources, the ghost was hired by my past landlord through a spiritual specialist to guard the apartment, and can only be properly removed by such a specialist (or should I call this person an exorcist!?). Until then, he or she is probably floating around in my empty apartment waiting for me to arrive...aiya!!

I've searched online for hours trying to find out who these ghosts might be, but I just can't seem to get any information on them. Instead, I might just be better off putting up a poster of the door gods Qin and Yuchi on my front door to keep all the evil spirits out in the meantime. Take THAT, you ghost!!

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