Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar

I haven't been seeing many beggars around lately, except for the LKF Plastic Bag Lady and possibly the Wanchai Homeless Beggar whom I think I spotted in Lan Kwai Fong the other night.

However, I did see a rather upbeat and jolly beggar a few weeks ago in Tin Hau just outside the MTR station on King's Road. He had picked a good location, since sizable crowds would gather while waiting to cross the busy intersection. 

At first glance, the Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar (you'll understand the name soon) looked like a normal person who was just playing the harmonica out of his elbows (a way to get attention perhaps) but upon closer inspection, I realised that he didn't have any forearms -- just little stumps after the elbow joint.

While playing his tunes, he was also side-stepping to the music and grooving along, not to mention making eye contact with everyone who passed. It was pretty cool to see a beggar getting so into it, unlike the more dormant types like the Mong Kok Tree Trunk Stumps Beggar or the Wanchai Parma Ham Leg Beggar. Keep it up, dude!

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My evil thoughts

Sometimes, I get these evil thoughts. Like today, when this elderly Mandarin-speaking woman in front of me at the MTR customer service counter opened her mouth wide, turned towards me and started making these deep and dry-throated "BLEH-EH-EHH" noises.

Apparently, she had some phlegm lodged in her throat, and believed that the longer the "BLEHHH" the more chunks of phlegm she could move upwards into her mouth. It was pretty gross, and as expected my "WTF" face didn't faze her at all. Even the guy inside of the MTR service counter looked disturbed.

It's moments like these when the evil thoughts occur, like how I imagined hacking up and spitting a giant phlegm ball into her face (if only I knew how to hack phlegm up). Unfortunately, it's a skill I never picked up, but the thought of doing so brought a small smile to my face. :)

(And before all you haters post a nasty comment below -- yes, I'm a horrible, horrible person :P)

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The rules of walking in Hong Kong

We all know that Hong Kong people lack manners (especially in the MTR), but have you ever wondered why that is? Besides the sheer size of the population and the lack of etiquette training growing up, I think I've finally figured it out -- it's cuz they don't know how to drive! 

Yes, driving is not only a skill that gets you from point A to point B. It also teaches you to look out for and notice other people (even if it's for a selfish reason, ie. defensive driving) because if you f--k up, you die. Simple as that. 

In Hong Kong, the consequences of f--king up aren't as bad (e.g. you might get a meaty body slam here and there), but the rules of driving should still apply to the rules of walking! They are as follows: 

• When driving (aka. walking), keep your eyes on the road - failure to do so will result in a head-on collision!
• Do not stop suddenly or perform any abrupt U-turns, especially without signaling - unless you want to create a 5-person pile-up.
• When entering or changing lanes, always shoulder check to see who's behind you first.
• After changing lanes, accelerate until you match the walking speed of those in the faster lane so you don't slow anyone down.
• Keep your hands and legs inside of your vehicle at all times and do not swing them around - unless your goal is to lodge your hand into some old (wo)man's crotch or ass crack.
• Do not tailgate, especially on the escalator, or prepare to get a big fat fart cloud in your face.
• When someone's in your way, use your horn (aka. SPEAK UP!) - don't just stand there and hope they notice you breathing down their neck.
• When there is a traffic jam (or more commonly in HK -- an umbrella jam), don't slow down, just keep on walking!
• When backing into a parking lot (or in HK, an MTR seat), always check your rearview mirrors to make sure your ass actually fits into the alloted space (instead of landing your ass cheeks on your neighbours' thighs).

Since Hong Kong has way more people than cars, I think people should be required to get their "walker's license" before being allowed out in public! That way, the human traffic situation in HK would definitely improve ... don'tcha think?! 

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