Hong Kong people can be nice

A lot of people have the impression that Hong Kong people are unfriendly, rude or impolite. And it's understandable, given how many there are that:

• don't open doors for others
• don't yield or give way - EVER
• don't make eye contact or conversation with strangers
• speak in a rough manner or just loudly
• poke you in the eye with umbrellas
• don't help you if you fall down
• (..the list goes on and on)

BUT... I have to say that nice Hong Kong people DO exist, and here's proof:

Just yesterday, when I was at my favourite fruit stall in Causeway Bay to buy some longan fruit (only HK$12 for two pounds) the guy threw in a free mandarin orange for me, for no reason at all, with a big smile on his face.

Then, at night, when it started to pour down, I was walking home in front of a HK lady with an umbrella, and while I was at a stoplight waiting to cross the street, she offered to share her umbrella with me until I reached cover. After she reached her building and went inside, she came back out to ask me if I wanted to borrow her umbrella -- me, a total stranger!

And today, when I was crossing the road in Sheung Wan, I was looking the wrong way when a HK lady reached out and stopped me from stepping right in front of a moving tram, saying "Watch out, miss!"

So, has HK always been this nice or has something changed? Has anyone else had similar experiences (and I'm not talking about people you've known for a while, but total strangers)? Let me know!

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My evil thoughts

Sometimes, I get these evil thoughts. Like today, when this elderly Mandarin-speaking woman in front of me at the MTR customer service counter opened her mouth wide, turned towards me and started making these deep and dry-throated "BLEH-EH-EHH" noises.

Apparently, she had some phlegm lodged in her throat, and believed that the longer the "BLEHHH" the more chunks of phlegm she could move upwards into her mouth. It was pretty gross, and as expected my "WTF" face didn't faze her at all. Even the guy inside of the MTR service counter looked disturbed.

It's moments like these when the evil thoughts occur, like how I imagined hacking up and spitting a giant phlegm ball into her face (if only I knew how to hack phlegm up). Unfortunately, it's a skill I never picked up, but the thought of doing so brought a small smile to my face. :)

(And before all you haters post a nasty comment below -- yes, I'm a horrible, horrible person :P)

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The rules of walking in Hong Kong

We all know that Hong Kong people lack manners (especially in the MTR), but have you ever wondered why that is? Besides the sheer size of the population and the lack of etiquette training growing up, I think I've finally figured it out -- it's cuz they don't know how to drive! 

Yes, driving is not only a skill that gets you from point A to point B. It also teaches you to look out for and notice other people (even if it's for a selfish reason, ie. defensive driving) because if you f--k up, you die. Simple as that. 

In Hong Kong, the consequences of f--king up aren't as bad (e.g. you might get a meaty body slam here and there), but the rules of driving should still apply to the rules of walking! They are as follows: 

• When driving (aka. walking), keep your eyes on the road - failure to do so will result in a head-on collision!
• Do not stop suddenly or perform any abrupt U-turns, especially without signaling - unless you want to create a 5-person pile-up.
• When entering or changing lanes, always shoulder check to see who's behind you first.
• After changing lanes, accelerate until you match the walking speed of those in the faster lane so you don't slow anyone down.
• Keep your hands and legs inside of your vehicle at all times and do not swing them around - unless your goal is to lodge your hand into some old (wo)man's crotch or ass crack.
• Do not tailgate, especially on the escalator, or prepare to get a big fat fart cloud in your face.
• When someone's in your way, use your horn (aka. SPEAK UP!) - don't just stand there and hope they notice you breathing down their neck.
• When there is a traffic jam (or more commonly in HK -- an umbrella jam), don't slow down, just keep on walking!
• When backing into a parking lot (or in HK, an MTR seat), always check your rearview mirrors to make sure your ass actually fits into the alloted space (instead of landing your ass cheeks on your neighbours' thighs).

Since Hong Kong has way more people than cars, I think people should be required to get their "walker's license" before being allowed out in public! That way, the human traffic situation in HK would definitely improve ... don'tcha think?! 

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Your Yawn Face

Manners are a funny thing. To some, they seem instinctual. To others (especially in Hong Kong), they don't even exist. 

Take covering your mouth when you yawn as an example. Apparently, this manner was created in the medieval times in order to prevent the soul from escaping the body (no idea what happened if you opened your mouth to talk or eat).

Later, it became a practical thing. Back when people had horrible dental hygiene (read: none), it was a good way of shielding your friends and loved ones from your personal cloud of rotten breath.

These days, those original reasons may no longer apply, but I can still think of one very good reason to cover your mouth when you yawn.

This is how you look normally:

This is how you look when you yawn:

Now imagine turning a corner and seeing the yawning version of yourself for just a split second, and that's all you'll ever see. Great first impression, no?

Besides scaring the shit out of someone (who thinks you're about to attack), you also resemble a cross between a screaming baboon, shrieking zombie and wild banshee, not to mention that everyone can see right into the depths of your mouth (and anything you left there from lunch).

So, think twice before you go around with your yawn face, ladies and gentlemen, unless that's how you want to be recognized.

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