Hong Kongers reject the Moon Cup

I love watching Apple Daily's action news videos for two reasons: they're super sensational, and they use silly Cantonese slang to report (as opposed to serious news anchor talk that I can barely understand). My understanding of formal Cantonese is pretty crap, and to be honest, I don't always catch everything that's said on Apple Daily action news either, so the animated bits definitely help a lot.

The other day, I watched this video about the Moon Cup in Hong Kong, which is a reusable menstrual cup that gets put inside a girl's you-know and collects you-know-what during that time of month. The reporter went around town asking for ladies' opinions of it and as expected, most were grossed out.

Moon Cup: available in candy colours! 

Then, they asked a medical expert for HIS opinion and I couldn't believe my eyes/ears. Here's what I thought I heard he said:

"Hong Kong girls and Chinese girls -- when we stick one finger in [their hoo-ha] to examine them, they can usually accept this. But when we stick two fingers in, it already hurts. So, you can see that this [Moon Cup] is already bigger than my two fingers, and if you try to force it in, not all women will be able to accept this. "

I watched the video a few more times to see if I heard him right. And I did hear right!! So, is he saying that Hong Kong and Chinese women can't accept (and have never had) anything larger than one finger down there...?? And that's why they can't use the Moon Cup? Umm...riiiiiight. Sounds like bullshit to me! Or that's just really sad.

Watch the video for yourself:

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my fave instagrammers

Nothing cracks me up more than silly animals dressed up/looking funny and/or doing weird things on Instagram! So it should come as no surprise that all my fave Instagrammers are animals. :D

Here are my top five -- who are yours? :)

@roohahn

Roo is an adorable two-legged, T-rex-like chihuahua with monster-truck wheels, a silly :P face and a wide range of wigs inspired by Marilyn and Britney.

@famousniki

Niki the Russian Scottish Fold silver tabby (identity crisis much?) enjoys sitting up like a man and doing various other humanly things.

@trotterpup

No other bitch plays dress up as well as this black French bulldog from SF.

@chihuahua_tosti

Traveling only via Louis Vuitton luggage, Tosti the posh long-haired chihuahua picnics in the park and jet-sets around the world with his ultra-fab Dutch owner.

@colonelmeow

Quite possibly the fluffiest, angriest and most badass cat in the world. If there ever was a cat god, he'd be it.

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Squished!

You know that idiot who rushes into the MTR at the very last second when the doors are going doot-doot-doot-doot-doot and gets caught right in between, forcing the doors to bounce back open and the entire MTR train to stall, not to mention all the other trains behind it?

...yup. That was me. :/

I never thought it would be, but I blame my super sound-proof earbuds from Samsung and a particularly juicy email I was reading on my phone. As usual, I was following a massive crowd into the MTR, with no clue of how many seconds had passed since the doors had first opened, and before I knew it, I was being violently shoved to the left and squished in between the two platform doors.

What's worse -- my middle finger (which happens to be the longest part of me when squished, good to know) was caught in the actual MTR doors, and I can only imagine what the people on the inside were thinking as they stared at my lone finger poking through.

Time stood still as I wondered whether anyone would notice that I was stuck, and whether the train would suddenly take off with my middle finger (hopefully not as it's got my favourite ring on it!). It was a little like being Hans Brinker -- you know, the Dutch boy who plugged a leaky dam with his finger -- only I was clogging up the MTR trains with mine.

The whole time, I made sure to avoid eye contact and keep a blank expression on my face as if nothing strange was happening (the way a true Hong Konger would) until finally, the doors sprung back open and I was freeeee!!!

PS. For anyone wondering what it feels like to be squished by the MTR doors, they're actually much stronger than they look! Don't expect them to be like elevator doors that spring open at the lightest touch -- these doors can and will probably crush old people with osteoporosis (so drink your milk, kids!). I got two giant bruises on both arms after this incident, so watch out! :(

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Canto 101: Ocean skin

In my ongoing quest to become more Chinese, I'm picking up my Canto-learning again, one step at a time. That means listening to more Cantopop on KKBOX (reading lyrics really helps) and taking note of any interesting phrases I come across.

One of them is 海皮 -- "hoi pei", which means sea shore. I first heard it when taxi drivers would ask me if I wanted to go home via the highway or the "hoi pei", and it's never not sounded funny to me.

In my head, I just can't help visualizing it as literally the "ocean skin" since "海" means ocean and "皮" means skin. Am I crazy?? To be fair, "ocean skin" is a super accurate description of the sea shore as the "skin" can be anything from sandy and bumpy to smooth and layered.

To use this word, simply tell your taxi driver, "NO highway, YES hoi-pei!" Other suggestions welcome!

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What to say to HK celebrities

For some reason, seeing Hong Kong celebs always kicks my heart rate up a notch, especially the ones that I grew up watching in movies or TVB back in Canada.

Since moving to HK, I've personally met (read: turned into a goofy fangirl in front of) Adam Cheng, Donnie Yen, Moses Chan and Simon Yam, just to name a few, and while most of these sightings were through work, I've also been running into quite a few celebs on my own too.

Like, I've had breakfast with TV show host Egg, seen Cantopop singer Lui Fong buy Taiwanese fried chicken before dashing back into his car, watched one of the Grasshoppers drive by on Queen's Road Central, bumped into Bernice Liu at a concert and walked past the one-and-only Chow Yun Fat (disguised as a homeless man) in Central. What can I say, Hong Kong is small.

But, my most recent sighting was completely unexpected when I ran into Mr. Good Hair himself, Ekin 'Noodle' Cheng at a random high-end lifestyle store, where it was just him and his wife in the store with us. 

EKIN!!

At first, I tried to play it cool by pretending I didn't notice nor know him, but as the minutes passed and all these Ekin-scenes started to flash through my mind, I couldn't help but succumb to my fangirl-dom and ask for a picture (correction: I was so nervous that CC had to ask for me!).

How awkward ... as I stood in between him and his wife for a photo. Those seconds felt like minutes as we stood side-by-side, careful not to make any physical contact. 

To make matters worse, I actually turned to Ekin and blurted out, "You look like my dad!" To which he replied, "Really?" (NO... not really.. I have no idea why I said that...Sorry Ekin!!)

Ahhh, so embarrassing. But hopefully, others have said worse things. Right?? RIGHT?? OK, maybe not. But anyhoo... This incident got me thinking about what I should do the next time I run into a celeb, like... maybe say hi first, make some small talk (about their latest work, favourite movie, how amazing they are, what they are wearing, what they are doing today, NOT how much they look like my dad -- no offense, Dad), and then...ask for a pic.

Of course, I'm assuming that my brain will be working logically at that time, which in all likelihood it won't, so what the hell, "Hey!! Can I have a picture?" it is!

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In the mood for CNY

I've never been big on Chinese New Year -- sure, I buy my ONE zodiac animal fook sign each year and hang it on my front door -- but I usually don't make much of an effort to follow any of the other traditions that you're supposed to do before, during and after(?) CNY. What can I say, I'm a phony Chinese…(otherwise known as a Canadian-Chinese, haha ;)

This year is a different story though, as I've been getting totally worked up about everything CNY, including the flower fair, the different laisee packet designs, red and gold this and that, traditional costumes, superstitions, calendars, etc.!

It must be because I've been working on a special project for the Asia Society Hong Kong Center (that you should definitely hit up if you're in town) -- the Chinese New Year Family Day this Sunday, Feb 3!

I'd go if I could, but I'm off to be "reunited" with my family in Canada (seee, one CNY tradition fulfilled), so I'll be missing out on the God of Fortune, lion and ribbon dances, Chinese puppet shows, Cantonese opera, CNY food galore, silk knotting, paper dragon making, shaolin demos, story telling and the chance to dress up as little emperors and empresses -- how cute!

It's technically for kids but I'm sure they won't mind a few bigger kids running around, and when you're there, don't forget to take a look at some of the artwork around the event (drawn by yours truly)!

Here's a sneak peek/exclusive compilation:

Happy Year of the S-s-s-nake! :)~

-Miss Fong

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A lesson in small talk…

There's a reason why the weather is such a great subject to talk about. It's safe, far from personal and everyone can relate to it. UNLIKE BIMPLES!!

That's right -- bimples, aka. back pimples, or bacne (back-acne) if you prefer.

I was sitting at my desk typing away when my colleague snuck up from behind me to whisper, "Do you ever grow 'lup-lups' on your back?"

I turned my head slowly to come face-to-face with her extremely concerned expression.

"Lup…lup…?" I couldn't believe she was asking me this. (Lup-lup means little bumps in Canto, translation = zits)

"Yes, I saw your back through your sweater," (I was wearing a sweater with a teardrop cutout on the back), "and I just wondered if you ever grew zits there."

"Um… no…" I said slowly, trying to hide my disgust behind a polite smile.

"Because I do!" she exclaimed. "I can't wear sweaters like that because I have zits on my back. That's why I take Chinese medicine, to keep them from coming back."

Shocked, grossed out and fighting the vivid images of bacne in my head, I racked my brain for zits-related things to say and started blabbing, "Oh, I know people who grow zits on their back too. And on their shoulders, and other parts of the body. Actually, I get zits sometimes on my chin. It's totally normal, yea…"

By then, she had returned to her desk and sat down, and the conversation was over, as if it had never happened.

So yea, bacne, not a good subject. Please don't ever talk to me about it again. T_T"

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