Vampire Teabags

Today I was having random thoughts in my head about vampires (no, not Edward Cullen) but the Chinese word for it and whether it had anything to do with ginger. You see, 殭屍 (goeng si) is 'vampire' in Cantonese, but the first character sounds a lot like 'ginger'. Anyway, after a bit of searching, I not only found the answer to my question, but discovered a rather new piece of slang.

Do you know what 殭屍茶包 (vampire teabag) means? Go on, take a wild guess. Yes, think nasty...even dirtier... and yes, do go there. If your mind led you somewhere close to a woman's toilet trash bin and the treasures that lay within, you are SO right!

There's even a joke in Cantonese about this, and it goes something like this:

Three vampires walk into a bar to order drinks.
Vampire A says, "I'll take one shot of fresh chicken blood!"
Vampire B says, "I'll have a pork blood milkshake, thanks."
Vampire C says, "And I'll have one hot water, please."
Bartender says, "What? You're a vampire, don't you want something bloody?"
Vampire C says, "No thanks! I found something nice in the ladies' washroom - *wink*!"

Here's the official definition, care of Cantonese Sheik. You'll never look at an 'M' product the same way...lol!

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Me vs. Tea Lady - Round 2

The latest battle between me and the office Tea Lady came about after yet another cockroach decided to rear its ugly face on my desk. This time, a rather large, yellow roach was caught creepy-crawling on my office telephone receiver. But by the time I hollered "ROACH!" at the top of my lungs, that little bastard had disappeared, making me look like a total idiot in front of all my colleagues.

For those who know me, you know that I'm a magnet for cockroaches. Somehow, they always seem to pop up around me, no matter if they're on the street, outside my door or crawling on my cubicle walls. So, it's totally not my fault that I have cockroaches on my desk.

However, the Tea Lady thinks otherwise. She had already been commenting a lot about my eating patterns, for one.

"Eating AGAIN?" she'd say every time she saw me take out a snack from the fridge. It didn't matter if it was a box of blueberries or a small cup of yogurt, I was still a pig to her.

"Make sure it doesn't spill!" she'd say if she saw me reheating a cup of milk tea in the microwave. *rolls eyes* "Yes, ma'am..."

This morning, she cornered me in the pantry and told me how she had sprayed my cubicle down with insecticide and wiped my desk off with bleach.

"Do you know how much crap fell out of your phone when we turned it upside down?" she exclaimed. "You're eating too much! So many food particles came out!!"

"What!?" I said back. "What are you talking about? I don't eat over the phone! Plus I keep everything I have in sealed bags!"

Wanting to prove her point, she grabbed onto my upper arm with a death-grip (I'm SO not kidding, her bony hand closed in on my arm like a cold, mechanical robot's) and led me to my cubicle.

"Look! All this FOOD fell out of your phone!" she said. I looked down into the waste basket and saw what appeared to be black bits of crap, sort of like coffee grinds.

"What?! That's not food, that's probably cockroach eggs!" I shouted at her. "How could you think this is food, geez, I told you, I don't eat stuff over my phone! Ugh!" At this point, she was still gripping onto my arm so I pushed her hand off me and said, "LET ME GO!"

My arm felt properly bruised and I had to rub it for the rest of the morning to get it feeling normal again. I can't believe her! Wtf!

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Where's mah fruit?!

It's amazing how quickly we get spoiled in Hong Kong. I mean, do you ever find yourself saying:

"What? I need to wait FIVE WHOLE minutes for the MTR!?"

"AW MAN!! The escalator's been turned off and I hafta *gasp* WALK UP!?"

and of course:

"Wat the hell?! I didn't get no fruit today!?"

(Yea, that last one was me today...) I remember the first time I saw the fruit ladies come around the office. I could hear the loud chatter of two middle-aged ladies from afar coming closer and closer until suddenly, a pair of semi-bruised bananas landed on my desk with a THUD.

"Eat up, lenglui. It's bananas today," said the permed ladies who worked as a team. While one of them pushed around a box of bananas on wheels, the other one tossed the fruit onto our desks.

I couldn't help feeling like a monkey in a zoo. ('HOO HOO HAA HAA! What's it going to be today, lady?' I'd say while scratching my armpits and banging my keyboard against my forehead. 'Please oh please, toss me one of them yellow things!')

Nowadays, I've learned to look forward to getting my weekly dose of fruit. The fruit ladies have been kind, and sometimes bring us exotic varieties like longan and asian pears (ooOOoo).

But you know what? I got into the office a little later than usual today and my fruit basket was totally empty! Either somebody stole my bananas, or they simply decided to skip me! Bahhh..damn you fruit ladies!!

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More mobile drool

Remember how I was lusting over the SE W995 a few months ago? Well, I never ended up getting it. The reason? It may have photographed well but in real life, it was just bulky and a little too cheap looking for me. That seems to be the trend with Sony Ericsson phones. Great photography on-screen that makes you drool. Hugely disappointing once you have it in front of you. Bahhh!

I'm really hoping that's not the case with their new gem of a phone Jalou. It hasn't been released yet so only time will tell, but the photos I've seen of it so far have got me heart racin'!!!! :D

Isn't she gorgeous!? :))

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What's yours is mine

One thing about living in Hong Kong is that you've got to learn to share. Whether it's personal space, the (smoggy) air or even food, I've come to realize that nothing's really mine.

See, I'm the type of person who's never liked to share. Call it a phobia if you will, but it grosses me out. Biting from the same apple? Ew. Sharing a straw? No way. Licking from the same ice cream cone? Hell no! Eating someone's leftover rice/noodle dish (in all its messy mixed sauce glory)? Excuse me while I puke.

Unfortunately, I've encountered a few situations where I've had no choice but to share. Like in China for instance, when I'm eating in a group. I usually order a small set meal that comes with rice and 2-3 small dishes that I picked out personally, but there's always SOMEONE at the table who will stick their chopsticks into my dishes (without asking) and just peck away as if it was public property.

I'm sure this is all normal behaviour in China given that it's a collectivist society, but my selfish Western self is screaming, "Back off! Get your own dishes!!"

Another time, I had brought a bag of grapes with me for a taxi ride into the city with a colleague. I kindly offered him some, but was appalled when he took possession of the entire bag without once offering it back to me. I managed to pluck a few grapes for myself once or twice during our 15 minute ride, but I couldn't help thinking, "What the @#$!!! Those are MY freakin' grapes, and here i am feeling bad for taking them back!"

To be honest, I don't really mind sharing (as long as it doesn't involve sharing spit) but I'd be much happier if it was I who offered or them who asked. It's just a different feeling when you're suddenly forced to share, especially when the huge box of juicy sliced papaya you were looking forward to ALL afternoon is reduced to 3 mushy pieces after your desk is stormed by colleagues armed with small plastic forks.

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Mongkok Foot Scrunching Beggar

This beggar needs no introduction. Seated at the top of one of the busiest MTR exits in Hong Kong (Mongkok E2), it's a miracle that he doesn't get trampled by the millions of emo teens, sneaker freaks or gadget addicts that frequent the famed Sai Yeung Choi St. area each day.

The Mongkok Foot Scrunching Beggar sits on a square of newspaper with his head hung low and his crutch laid out in front of him. While one of his legs is folded under him (probably crippled), his other leg is kept active by a constant scrunching and unscrunching motion in his toes.


Whenever I see him, I swear I can feel the pins and needles and that slow, painful ache that you get from sitting too long. I mean, can you imagine sitting there all day long, scrunching your toes over and over again, just to keep the blood flowing in you, while tens of thousands of oblivious people pass you by?

He definitely picked a prime location to beg in terms of the sheer number of human traffic, but I'm not sure how many of those people even notice him, given that their minds are probably cluttered with other life-threatening dilemmas (e.g. HTC Hero vs. iPhone?? Nike vs. Adidas?? Straight or wavy perm??)... :P

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One death rope please...

I know, I look Chinese. And to the average HKer, I look just like one of them. That is...until I open my mouth.

The thing is, I'm not really that bad at Cantonese. I can get by for a few minutes before they either hear my accent and/or realize that my vocabulary is limited to that of an 5th grader, and sometimes when I talk too fast, I tend to mix words up... for example:

Me: Yea, I really enjoy going to the gym!
HKer: Oh ya? How often do you go?
Me: I 'animal' quite often!
HKer: (awkward silence)

Seconds pass before I realize I said 'animal (dong-mut)' instead of 'exercise (wun-dong)', but... it's all good right...Same diff...I'm suure they understood me...yeaaaaa...*awkward!*

It happened again the other day when I was shopping for a camera neck strap:

Me: Excuse me, do you have any 吊頸帶 (lit. hang-neck-strap)?
Man: WHAT!?
Me: Y'know, for my camera.
Man: Ohh, you mean 掛頸帶 (lit. hang-neck-strap)!
*erupts in mocking laughter*
Me: -__-

Turns out there's more than one way to say 'hang' in Cantonese, and the way I said it meant I wanted a camera strap to hang myself from my apartment ceiling. Riiight...lesson learnt.

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Mooncake Madness

Yes, it's true. I just ate a whole mooncake ON MY OWN. Go ahead, drop your jaw and call me whatever gluttonous animal you want. I deserve it!! :p

I didn't mean to, really. For some strange reason, I had a sudden craving for something sweet. And since my chocolate drawer was empty, all I really had to satisfy my craving were two double-yolked mooncakes given to me by my company (I blame them!!).

Suddenly, I was shoveling triangular-cut pieces of lotus paste chunks into my face (while working I might add), enjoying the sticky sweetness and slight chewiness of it all, and within a few minutes, the mooncake was no more.

The effects were immediate: Heartbeat - slowing. Eyelids - drooping. Mood - Worsening. I mean, I can actually feel my blood turning into lotus paste! I better get out of here before I devour the other one...

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How I survived India

Since I've been back, many people have asked me if I got sick in India. It's a legitimate question, as there are countless stories of others getting the dreaded 'Delhi Belly' and the worst food poisoning of their lives. However, I'm happy to report that I didn't get sick at all!! :D

Okay, so I cheated by bringing 7 days worth of snacks, food and water from HK,
but the point is, I survived!! ;)

Ironically, the day I arrived in China, my stomach woes began... ~_~

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I'm baaack!

Crap! It's been a while since I last blogged, thanks to a sudden business trip to India followed by a 3-week company training course in Blogger-blocked China. I had no idea so many things were blocked here: Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Wordpress, Youtube, various weather sites (why oh why?!)...

Anyway, it's been an interesting few weeks. India was...well, incredible! It was my first time visiting and of course I was in utter fascination the whole time. Here's just a short list of the things I learned about India:

• There are quite a few Muslims in India (especially in the North)
• Many Indians these days speak better English than Hindi
• The Indian accent is actually not an accent(!) It's just the way they speak English, similar to Singaporean English
• The bobblehead behaviour may have come from the cows and is used when agreeing
• Arranged marriages still happen
• A bindi on a woman's forehead tells you that she's married
• Indian transvestites do exist
• All Indian women have between 8-10 sarees, at LEAST
• Do not, I repeat, do not drink the tap water
• Indians do not say 'meat' but use the word 'non-veg' instead
• It's not shameful to be poor and/or a beggar
• The traffic is INSANE!!

Imagine a narrow alleyway that is about the width of 1.5 cars. Now imagine 5 rickshaws, 2 scooters, 3 bicycles, 2 SUVs, an ox-pulled cart, one giant tractor with 10 men clinging on, 3 water buffalos, a baby goat, 2 horse-drawn carts, 5 wild dogs, and 20 pedestrians trying to squeeze themselves into this narrow alleyway. Multiply this by 10-20km, and don't forget that everyone's honking non-stop, and people are climbing over bicycles and cars just to try to get ahead...Crazy!!!

If you get a chance to go, I highly recommend it! Undoubtedly, it can be a little shocking, but it's definitely worth it!!

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Use it or lose it

Before I moved back to Hong Kong, I had always thought things would be much easier here. I mean, coming from the Netherlands where the three most spoken words (in English) must've been "That's not possible", I had just expected HK to be a place where rules, no matter what, could always be bended.

Fast forward to today. Me and my colleagues are having lunch at a modern Shanghainese restaurant in Wanchai. Our party of five is not yet complete, but we want to order the Set Lunch for 5 consisting of 5 appies and 5 mains. We ask the lady if we can order 2 appies to start with while we wait for the rest of our crew, but she puts on a pained expression and says, "Oh, so, so sorry, our system can't handle that. Either you order everything at once, or you wait until the rest of your party arrives to place your complete order. There's no way to just order two appetizers first..."

My colleague pumped up the nice factor and asked again if we could please stagger our orders, since we had no idea what our other colleagues wanted to eat, but the lady frowned once more and explained the system in pain-staking detail again.

I stared at her and thought...What do you mean you can't? Since when did technology become such a big obstacle for simple everyday matters, especially for something as basic as placing an order in a restaurant? Why can't you just physically get us what we want, take a mental note (or write it down somewhere non-digitally *GASP*) and then enter everything in your silly system after?

Boggled, we ended up making the whole order at once, but I just couldn't get over her stupid, stubborn ways. I know we rely on technology a lot these days and it generally does help us work more efficiently, but technology can also cause many people to forget that they have something called a BRAIN.

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Can't we all just get along?

Last night, I contributed to the death of the biggest cockroach I have seen to date. What had he done to deserve such a cruel execution by way of flipping, scraggling and drowning in a never-ending stream of RAID poisonous spray? Nothing, really. He was simply in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

You see, if you're a giant cockroach who happens to be hanging around on the doorbell outside my apartment, and by the time I actually notice you, you're a mere 2 inches from my face, I have no choice but to (shriek like a banshee and then) KILL YOU.

Obviously, I didn't kill the guy myself. After letting out a shrill scream, I backed up slowly, froze for 5 minutes and then threw my house keys against the front door. There was no response, so I called for back-up.

Another 5 minutes passed before C came out of the apartment armed with the almighty poison spray, which he used to blow the roach off the wall, onto the floor and finally onto its back, where it struggled for a good 30 seconds before his hairy brown legs eventually stopped kicking around at odd angles and folded slowly into their final resting place.

Apparently, I had been screaming all the way through because one very annoyed neighbour poked his head out with a WTF!? expression. I explained that there was a giant cockroach, but his facial expression remained the same.

Staring back at the cockroach corpse, I wondered... Why did we just kill a seemingly innocent creature? Is it just because he looks so damn frightening and ugly? It's not really his fault he looks that way, is it? I know we don't want roaches inside our apartment, but did we really have to kill it so brutally? Do all cockroaches deserve to die?? If so, why?? Why can't we all just get along??

Still, I'm kinda glad it's dead.

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Laff of the day

I got this in my inbox from a Mainland colleague who replied to all following a company-wide announcement:

"恭喜 (Congratulations) MICHEAL, WE'RE ALWAYS BE THE BACK OF YOU."

Translation: We'll always be your backside. Haha!!

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My shadow speaks!

Have you ever wondered what your shadow would say, if it could only speak? Well, I found out last night.

After my dance class, I decided to do some window shopping along Granville Road in TST on my way to my bus stop. The first place I saw had a few fashionable looking mannequins out front, so I went in.

Feeling the fabric of a black halter top betwen my fingers, I heard a small voice behind me say, "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Um, yea..." I muttered, continuing to touch and feel a few other tops.

I moved onto a silky dress, hmm, smooth...I wonder if it comes in- "It comes in black too," the little voice pipped, this time even closer.

"Hm..." The moment I touched another sheer polka-dot shirt dress, I heard, "That's what I'm wearing now."

Snapping out of my daze, I looked to my right and saw a pair of big black eyes staring up at me. "Shall I get you a new one?"

"Um, can you just let me have a look first?" I asked.












Looking deadbeat and bored, the itsy-bitsy HK salesgirl dressed all in black complied, but continued to follow me within millimetres, to the point where I was tempted to fake a muscle spasm just so I could somehow elbow her out of my personal space.

When I left the store, she stood in the doorway like a pale ghost, her quiet voice fading as she said, "What's wrong, didn't you like it...?"

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The wonder of wood

I've walked by what I used to call the 'silly comb store' between Hong Kong and Central station almost every day on my way to work, but never thought to go in until last weekend.

"Look there," I said to my friend visiting from Tokyo, pointing at the comb store, which sells super niche Chinese combs made of sheep horn and various types of wood. "I wonder if they ever get any business, HA!"

Funny enough, my friend went in and within 5 minutes, she had bought a comb. Who knew that ancient Chinese wooden combs were in demand?! Little did I know, wooden combs:

• Are smooth, non-static and won't snap/tangle hair
• Can promote hair growth by effectively massaging the scalp
• Distribute oil from your scalp to the hair tips, keeping hair healthy
• Can give you better sleep by combing 50x before bedtime
• Prevent fainting, "adjusts the guts" and keep your hair black

Okay, I admit, the last one was a little far-fetched. But you get my point!

I was shocked that most people (including myself) didn't know anything about the history and benefits of wooden combs. Needless to say, I bought a small comb for myself for morning and night combing and so far, it feels like my guts have fallen right back into place! ;)

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Shisha Roach!

I thought my place was immune from cockroaches, thanks to monthly 'pest control' sprayfests, but look what I found on the balcony just a couple nights ago!!!

(Yes, that is a cockroach enjoying shisha...)

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A tribute to cockroaches

It's quite sad, actually. Looking at their little brown bodies, some long gone, flattened, dried up and flaking off the ground, others freshly squashed with a blob of yellow goo sitting right next to their corpses.

I must admit, I'm no cockroach lover but I do feel sorry for them. I mean, I would never, I repeat, NEVER, step on one (for fear of projectile puking instantaneously afterwards) but that doesn't stop other people from giving them a big, CRUNCHY, triumphant stomp. Yes, they're hideous, annoying, and just plain frightening, but have you ever took the time to try to understand them?

Here are some little known facts about our shiny, brown friends:

1. The most common cockroach we see on the streets is actually AMERICAN (!).
2. Cockroaches average 4cm in length (obviously, the HK ones are way above average).
3. They have two eyes with over 2000 individual lenses each.
4. They are one of the fastest insects in the world - about 50 body lengths per second, which would be comparable to a human running at 330 km/h!!

Human vs. Cockroach

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Chinese donut, anyone?

I couldn't help laughing when I read the following news item:

Blind Hong Kong wife pours hot congee on cheating husband's groin

Not only did she splash his nekkid genitals with boiling hot congee, she even attempted to destroy his little armies forever by putting female hormones into his drinks! A great lesson for cheaters, I must say.

Upon further analysis, a few other thoughts surfaced in my mind...

• She's got pretty good aim for someone who's blind
• Why the hell was he sleeping naked?
• Was she already blind when they got married??
• Why did she think he was cheating on her?
• Will he ever be able to eat congee again (or god forbid, a chinese donut)??

Yummay~!

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Back to humidity

After a blissful week in Europe, I am now back in the sweltering heat of Hong Kong. While I was gone, I missed out on:

• another acid attack in Mong Kok
• falling loudspeakers from the sky (also in MK)
• getting run over by a minibus (also in MK)

Nice! On a serious note though, it's really a shame that so much sh*t is going on in MK. It's such an awesome place and the perfect place for feeding my gadget addiction. Whether that's worth risking all of the above is another question!

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Great balls of fire

It's been a while since the last Canto lesson, so I thought I'd share another piece of slang that might be quite useful for many of us here in HK:



ngaahn fo baau literally means 'eyes fire explode' and as you can imagine is how you feel when you're angry as hell!

So, the next time someone shoves you out of the way to get into the MTR while the doors are closing causing you to fall backwards onto the ground and flash everyone with your 'scandalous' thong, you'll be able to raise your fist and tell everyone quite poetically how you feel (I'm so mad my eyeballs are on fire!!) :)

--
Going out of town again! This time Westward... ;)
Have a great week, peoples!

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The search for paradise continues...

Coming to Hong Kong from Europe, I've often heard the term 'paradise' attached to various beaches in Asia, including Bali (of coz) and several others in Malaysia and the Philippines. Usually, the term makes you think of creamy white sand, crystal clear water and a coconut-husk hut, like this:

I found all that, but the most important thing related to paradise failed to show up: the SUN. And when it did peek out of the haze for a precious 45 mins, I got sunburnt so bad my skin turned bright red like a cheap piece of artificial crab.

In MY idea of paradise, the beach is quiet, secluded, and very, very calm. Unfortunately, where we went, our resort neighbours were loud and young, the skies were grey and the waters choppy following several consecutive rain storms. Add to that some broken flip flops, medicine bottles and random bits of paper washing up on shore, and you can kiss that idea of 'paradise' goodbye! ~_-

Guess I'll have to keep looking for that little spot of paradise, although I'm beginning to think that it's not gonna be in Asia... (*cough* Greece! *cough*)

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Mobile lust

I must admit, I've never felt this way about a phone before. But how could you blame me? Look at this beauty!!


The Sony Ericsson W995 finally came out today, and I'm dying to get it. Only question is... do I really need 4 working mobile phones? Psshh - OF COURSE I do! This is Hong Kong, after all... ;)

--

On another note, I'm flying off to paradise tonight and hope to return as a gingerbread woman. Wish me luck!

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Beware of Pervert

O-M-G. My colleagues just enlightened me with this video today, and all I gotta say is... I ain't touching no MTR poles no more!!

Note: Disturbing content below...

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Kiss my plaque!

Not to be rude or anything, but has anyone else noticed how bad some locals' teeth are? I'm not picking on people who have crowded or gapped teeth, but more on the people who have obviously neglected their teeth for a very long time.

I mean, how else can you explain the clumps of hardened and discoloured plaque, the greyish, translucent colour and the brown etched stains not only along the gumlines, but also on the flat surfaces of their teeth?

Okay, when I was young, I hated brushing my teeth. I remember my grandma used to brush her teeth in the bathroom while I hovered over the bathtub to brush mine, but all I did was brush the bath tub faucet w/ my toothbrush to make it seem like I was brushing my teeth too (it sure fooled her! ;)) Of course, ultimately, I had to get all my front teeth pulled cuz they were all rotted with yellow and brown holes, and I eventually learned my lesson.

Nowadays I brush mainly cuz I don't want to have a mouth full of stains and plaque. That's a good enough reason for me. But what I don't understand is, what's with these people who don't have good dental hygiene. For one, how do they expect to ever kiss or be kissed???? *blech*

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How to fix a bad HK haircut

I'm sure it's happened to most of us. You go to a strange hairstylist that you've just met for the first time, you give them a general idea of what you want and you end up looking like a butchered barbie doll.

I assume this happens more often in Hong Kong than anywhere else, thanks to the extreme differences in taste, but personally speaking, this happens to me every, single time I get a hair cut, no matter where I am. It's like I've got this curse against having good hair.

Anyway, for those of you who have had the misfortune of having your hair lopped off or destroyed by your now mortal enemy, I'm here to tell you that there is hope!

You basically have three options:

1. Hair growth/strengthening shampoos and conditioners - These claim to strengthen your hair to minimize hair loss and promote healthy growth. Although they aren't proven to make your hair grow faster, they do make the hair you have pretty strong and shiny! Try the Japanese brand 2001 Elence, Mane n' Tail (my personal fave), or Jackie Chan's stuff if you're really desperate.
2. Clip-in hair extensions - For the commitment-phobic, clip-in hair extensions can give you a temporary solution while your real hair grows out. Ranging from curly to straight to even clip-in bangs, you can find them at City Super at TST/Times Square in the cosmetics section, in Mong Kok ladies market and in the Ginza mall in Causeway Bay.
3. Real hair extensions - Read on...!

If you are considering real hair extensions, you first need to decide whether you want them attached with glue, micro-beads or braided. Glue is the cheapest but may come out more quickly, beads are clamped to your hair and relatively painless but some people can feel them while sleeping, and the braiding method is the best but costs the most!

Where to get them done?
A typical salon will charge you at least HK$2000 for the basic methods and upwards of HK$4000 for the braiding method, but you can actually get it for much cheaper in various small shops of Mong Kok and Causeway Bay ~around HK$300!

One place I'd recommend is Fong Fong (not just because of the name, hehe) which is at 152 Sai Yeung Choi Street in Mong Kok across the New Town Mall (exit D1). Don't be afraid of its sketchy appearance, many stylish HK girls go there to do their nails and hair extensions for way cheaper than your typical salon. The place is run by an endearing family (Mom, Daughter and Grandma) plus two sex-crazed poodles who are engaging in way too much activity!!

Hope this helps!

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NO means NO!

If there's one word to describe HK salespeople, it's gotta be AGGRESSIVE. Whether they're selling you a massage chair, gym membership or even cheap socks, they'll haggle you until you're either too frazzled or annoyed that you end up saying yes to whatever it is they want.

However, over the past couple months I've built up a healthy resistance to most salespeople, even in the most awkward of situations. Take last weekend for example.

I had gone for a facial treatment at Pretty House, a place I had heard of through Planet Yoga's e-newsletter and signed up for 5 facials at 788 HKD only. A single facial usually costs around 400 HKD, so this was a great deal, right?? BUT as with everything in HK, there's always a catch.

After the beautician had cleansed my face and peered into my pores w/ a giant magnifying glass, the saleswoman came into the room and hovered over my face, clipboard in one hand, disapproving frown on her face.

"You really should upgrade your facial treatment to the Collagen-Super-Moisturizing-Ultrasonic-Milky-Diamond-Peel-Essence-Mono-Saccharide-Poly-Bonding-Treatment. Your skin is dry and micro-wrinkles are already appearing. Imagine what you'll look like if you don't do this treatment. You really should do it. It'll only cost you 3 of your facial credits plus a surcharge of 69 HKD," she said, waiting for an answer.

Lying there with a bright light shining on my face, I squinted at her and exclaimed, "3 credits? That means 3 of the facials I paid for right? No way."

"Come on, you really should. You've gotta take good care of your skin, don't you want to stay looking young? You really need the extra collagen. Okay?"

"NO." I said firmly.

"But you will look old if you dont do it. Your skin is already damaged and wrinkled, you-"

"I don't want to!" I stated again. At this point, she says, "I'll let you think about it while you get the facial massage," and slipped out the door. The beautician continues the treatment and starts talking to me as well, asking me why I didn't want to do it and that I really should. Five minutes later, the saleswoman is back.

"Wanna do it?"

Now, I'm really annoyed. The whole point of having a facial treatment is to relax and enjoy the pampering for the 60+ minutes, not to be trapped in a room where people keep upselling to you!

AARGH! Needless to say, I shot her down again and told her not to come back for the duration of my facial. She complied, but on my way out, she asked me, "Would you like to buy a set of our at-home facial masks for HKD 4000?"

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FREEDOM!!

While walking by the MetroPark Hotel in Wanchai today, I looked up and saw some papers taped to a window on the 5th floor or so. It was hard to make out since the writing was small (and I'm blind as a bat), but eventually I realized that each A4 paper was labeled '5h', '4h', '3h', and so on...

The poor person inside was counting down to how many more hours s/he'd be locked up for!!!

In case you've been in a hole all this time and don't already know, these people have been locked up for 7 days straight since they found the first case of swine flu (ahem.. H1N1) in a guy who was staying in that hotel. Not a bad thing if you're in the Shangri-La, but the Metropark Hotel is a pretty crappy place to be locked up in.

Tonight, the surrounding area of the hotel will be cordoned off from 4:30pm - 11:00pm as they release all the 'swine flu hostages' into the streets of HK. Let's hope there's not a rise in flu victims over the weekend!!

PS - Wouldnt' this make a great movie? I can see the titles now... "THE SWINE", "7 Days of Probing", "NIGHTMARE on HENNESSY Road"... ^_^

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Another A**hole

Last week, I was waiting for the lift in my building when I encountered yet another a**hole. They're everywhere, I'm telling ya!

Anyway, what happened was, the elevator doors opened, a woman came out, and a dorky-looking HK business man stayed inside. I stepped in, asking him whether the lift was going down (as I only needed to go down 1 floor), and he hastily nodded his head while pressing the 'Close' button repeatedly.

Within a second, I felt the floor RISING beneath me and realized he was on his way up to the 49TH floor!!?!! WTF!? I looked at him and exclaimed,"I asked if you were going down!!" to which he had no reaction whatsoever except looking down at the ground.

At this point, I started pressing every button in the lift in an effort to try and stop it, but didn't succeed until I had already reached '30'. The door opened, I got out, and needed to wait another 5 looong, unnecessary minutes to catch a lift going down again.

What an A**!!!!!! I totally regret not being able to push more buttons from 31-49!!! ARGH!!

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Planet Yoga in Hong Kong

I've been meaning to b*tch about this for a while, but didn't get to till today. For anyone planning to sign up for a yoga membership in HK, I hope you find this information useful.

I am a member of Planet Yoga Tsim Sha Tsui, and I highly regret it. Please don't make the same mistake as I did. I strongly advise against Planet Yoga because of the following reasons:

1) Phony yoga classes (I'm sorry, but Yoga Combat, Yoga Punch, etc. are not yoga classes, they are just aerobics/taebo -ish classes!!) You can't just attach the word 'yoga' to anything, geez.

2) Over-emphasis on INDIAN instructors. Planet Yoga loves to tell prospective customers "Over 80% of our instructors are REAL INDIANS!!" But, just cuz they're Indian doesn't mean they are the best Yoga instructors. In fact, their English is quite bad, so instead of hearing inspiring words of encouragement during ur practice, you just get, "Up, breathe, more down, 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1" repeated a gazillion times, making you feel absolutely BORED AS H*LL.

3) Extremely hard salespeople who keep selling to you everytime you come in. REFER FRIENDS!! WIN PRIZES!! GET A FREE UGLY ORANGE BAG/BOTTLE for doing so!! (Um hello, I DONT GIVE A SH*T!)

4) Lukewarm "HOT" YOGA classes. The temperature should be 38-40 degrees, but in their hottest class called Agni Fire Hot I swear I hardly break a sweat. It's outright yoga for wimps.

5) Never being able to get in a class! So, you're supposed to book each class by calling in, but 90% of the time, they're full. That means you gotta go in, get changed, stand in a line and *hope* that someone didn't show up. But let's think about it. If there are 20 spots and the class is full, why do you get 30 people to queue up in the waiting list?? Obviously 10 people aren't getting in, so just tell them to go home!

Problem is they keep signing up more and more members, and the classes get more and more full, so it becomes a major hassle to a) actually take a class and b) try to use the showers or 1 of the measly 3 toilets inside of the ladies' change room.

I suggest you try a place like PURE, where the environment is serene, clean, professional and pleasant. I'm not sure how their classes are, but already I think it's worth the money to NOT feel like you're walking into a cage of monkeys everytime you go to yoga.

Image courtesy of: Planet Yoga

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Mong Kok Handless Head-Writing Beggar

This next beggar is a very talented and skilled individual. I saw him last Saturday night in Mong Kok's Sai Yeung Choi Street outside the Broadway Cinema, writing inspirational messages on a scroll.

For some reason, this beggar does not have any hands, just a bit of forearm on both sides. He uses them to support himself as he proceeds to write inspirational messages in beautiful, perfect Chinese characters upside down. He does this by taping a paintbrush securely to one side of his glasses.


At first, I did not notice what he was writing, but upon closer inspection, I slowly made out enough characters to realize he was writing about how life was a gift, that it was short, and that you should take every opportunity that you have.

He truly was an inspiration as he didn't seem to be bitter at all about his situation, and even took the time to look at and thank every person who had dropped some coins into his hat. Definitely someone to give a nod to the next time you are in MK!

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Synchronicity

My mom once told me that if you paid enough attention, you could notice at least 6 incidences of synchronicity a day.

What's synchronicity, you ask?

This:


















Cool, huh?? :)

Synchronicity on Wiki

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Red rubber gloves

Last Friday, I was super hungry in the afternoon so I went downstairs and crossed the road into this little shop selling (bad) bubble tea and other snacks like sausage-on-a-stick.

I ended up ordering one of my latest addictions - Peanut Butter & Condensed Milk Toast - and stood by the open kitchen to wait. I was a little spaced out but eventually my eyes focused on a woman who was even more spaced out than me.

With half-closed eyelids and a painfully bored expression on her face, she held a thick piece of toast on her left palm while spreading peanut butter on it with her right.

The thing was, she was wearing these big red, rubber dishwashing gloves, and there was nothing separating the piece of bread from her sloppy wet glove.


"That's okay..." I said to myself. "Maybe they wear those gloves in the kitchen only to handle food, cuz y'know, bubble tea is wet and all...or maybe that bread isn't even for me..."

The bored lady then chucked the bread into the toaster oven, picked up a dirty rag, and walked into the dining area. I kept my eyes on her as I watched her wipe tables (still wearing those rubber gloves), pick up someone's leftover bowl of noodles, her thumb deeply submerged in the noodle soup, and walk back into the kitchen area with soup splashing all over her hand.

She then proceeded to open a can of condensed milk with the red rubber gloves, no doubt getting the sticky substance all over her hands, and then used it to slather over the toast. Finally, she put it in a box, pulled a rubber band around it and gave it to me.

At this point, I was thoroughly disgusted and there was no way I was gonna eat that, so I told another woman there (who seemed to be the bosslady), "Uhh.. your staff's wearing those rubber gloves to make food AND clean the restaurant.. don't you think that's just a *LITTLE* unhygienic??" (not sure if she got my sarcasm there)

She replied, "Oh, they only wear those gloves in the kitchen-" but I snapped back, "I SAW her use them to wipe tables just now!!"

The bosslady said "Okay okay" and told another girl (also wearing red gloves) to make me another one, this time without gloves. So she peels off her gloves, and then used her moist, stinky and mildewy hands to make the toast again...

Ugh!! ~_~

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Fat 39 year old housewife

Since I moved to Hong Kong, I've received quite a few comments that I coulda really done without. Granted, all opinions are just perceptions, but the ones I've been getting lately have really made me puzzled as I try to understand what exactly I am doing to get such remarks.

First, a guy who was looking for a running buddy said I looked 39 (@_@)... I believe his exact quote was "you dress young but your face looked mature -aka old"...

A few weeks later, my female coworker asks me in the elevator back up to the office, "Have you always been this...big? Or was it after you moved to Hong Kong?"

And just yesterday, a new friend of mine said I give off a "housewifey" vibe, and even used the words "caring and MATERNAL" in the same sentence as me...

[my jaw is gaping open at this point] W-O-W.

I have to admit, I definitely don't like what I'm hearing, but I still gotta try and understand why they said that, especially the housewifey part because being a domesticated, maternal housewife is actually my worst nightmare!! C'mon, anyone who knows me knows that a) getting married and b) having kids are actually on the very bottom (if at all) on my list of life goals. ::SHUDDER::

After some serious analysis, I think it has to do a lot with stereotypes, actually. The thing is, if you're not single in HK, you're probably married and/or have a very stable, long-term, boring kind of life. Next, if you have a boyfriend, you must be in HK because of him, e.g. FOR him, since we obviously don't have any life goals of our own, right? (Add extra domesticated points if you are Asian - check!)

Am I right, or am I right??? But pardon me, I have to go now and pick up after my 4 kids, clean the dishes, hang the laundry and put dinner on the table before my master - oops I mean mister - is back. :P

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Hard to Please

I was having lunch with some local colleagues when the topic of me being able to bake came up.

"What kind of cookies do you make?" one of the girls asked excitedly. I started listing the crowd favourites, including chewy chocolate chip, chocolate chunk banana walnut, coconut macaroons, double chocolate brownies, etc. but she suddenly interrupted with:

"DO YOU MAKE GREEN TEA COOKIES?!"



I erred and ummed and watched her face melt in disappointment... ~_~ Damn Maxim Cakes and their ingenious cakes and breads. I guess locals are gonna be a difficult crowd to please. :P

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Race and the City

Looks like the Hong Kong Jockey Club is getting more creative in trying to lure women to the race track:

I mean, why go to the bar/club when you can dress-up, get a manicure and have your fortune read in tarot cards, all the while in the company of hoards of men who love gambling? It's the perfect place to find your eligible bachelor, dontcha think? :P

I wonder if attracting girls to the horse races is the HKJC's indirect strategy to get more men to come and spend money on the horses. And if so, would it really work? Do they really think that guys will go to the race track to meet girls instead of focusing on #1, 2, 10 or JOLLY WONGCHOY?

Hmm...

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Chinese Halloween

They came like a swarm of bees. Loud, chattering and giggling away, a pack of 10-15 HK girls flooded our office, rushing towards all married people and asking for red pockets (lai-see).

"JOIN US!!” they squealed in high pitched voices, tugging on my arm as I sat frozen at my desk, eyes staring widely back at them. “C’mon!! Come with us!!” Before I could respond - off they went, swarming towards the other end of the office to pounce on all the other married folks down the hall.

A few minutes later, my colleague throws down a stack of at least 10 red pockets on my desk. “See what you missed out on??” he smirked, before taking his earnings back to his desk. Another male colleague raced by, laughing, “It’s the duty of us unmarried people to take money from the married ones, muahaha!”

I shrugged, not feeling all that comfortable at the thought of asking strangers for money, but at the same time feeling a little gypped for not having tagged along.

The next day, I put aside my Western ways and went along with a few other colleagues who hadn’t collected their red pockets yet, and got a good portion of red pockets myself =). Apparently, it’s very good luck not only to take red pockets from the married people, but they too like passing them out. Every time we approached our ‘victims’, s/he always had a stack of red pockets ready to go. In a way, it was quite similar to Halloween, only, the “candy” was money and instead of costumes, all we had to say were some nice lines like “Stay beautiful all year” or “Earn lots of riches!” or “Best health to you”, etc.

Wah! So easy ar!!

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Canadian Passport Renewal in Hong Kong

FYI: This is an FYI posting about Canadian passports and the hassles that come along with them.

So, the situation is that it’s 2009 right, and my passport doesn’t officially expire until August 11th of this year. I thought that would have left me a good enough block of time to renew it the next time I went home, but nuh-uh.

It turns out that most Asian countries require a six month validity on all Canadian passports (sounds familiar, I know) and without this, you’re not able to get past immigration officers of the receiving country. I get this rule and all, but what I don’t really understand is why is it six whole months before the passport even expires? Why not just make the passport valid for 4 years 6 months then? I mean, what are the last 6 months for anyway if you can’t even go anywhere with them??

Yes, I’m pretty annoyed, because not only is my passport still valid, I’m also out of empty pages, meaning that I cant even get a China visa to go to Shenzhen for a day. That’s another thing I don’t get! Why is the China visa take up an entire page? It’s not like it’s a nice sticker, it’s just a bland, grey, giant, space-wasting rectangle!!

So, the situation in 2009 is, Canadians are NOT allowed to a) add pages or b) extend the validity of their passports, so the only option is to apply for a new one. Of course, this means proving your citizenship via your birth certificate (again), getting a HK-based guarantor (doctor/lawyer/etc.) to verify your identity, and waiting at least 15 business days for your new passport to be processed.

Oh yea, by the way, there is something called the Simplified Passport Renewal Process, where you don’t have to prove you’re Canadian every 5 years or bother someone to be your guarantor, but the catch is you’ve gotta be living in Canada/US (ie. It’s not for us who live abroad)…

Great, huh??

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Oooo, dont feel too good

HK's great and all, but it sure does come w/ a lot of stomachaches. You never know if what you're eating is safe, and now that three people in China have died from the bird flu in a month, I'm starting to get freaked out big time.

I'm sure you've heard it all before. Bird flu mutating, going from bird to bird, bird to human, and we're now waiting for it to go from human to human. When that happens, we're basically doomed as there are no known cures and it's got a very low survival rate.

I watched a documentary recently that enlightened and terrified me at the same time. Apparently, scientists have already created a bird-flu vaccine, but only 250 million doses are available (not even close enough for the earth's population of 6 billion). Pharmaceutical companies are unwilling to produce more doses of it because they make more money off of normal drugs like Tylenol and Advil, so in the meantime, we're facing a situation where if a pandemic breaks out, only the rich/elite will be able to survive...

On top of that, the vaccine may not even be effective on the new H5N1 virus, since it would have already mutated to go from human to human.

So what can we do? I guess nothing... Stay away from dead birds? I really don't have a clue. Hopefully, the mutation will take longer than my lifetime and I won't have to worry about it!! Eek!

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Wanchai Homeless Beggar

It was by chance that I discovered this HK beggar, otherwise known as the Wanchai Homeless Beggar. I was on my way to work along Lockhart Road, eyes on the sidewalk watching out for cockroaches (dead or alive) when I stumbled upon a big pile of sh*t.

Soft and spread out, it had a rich, dark brown colour and for a second there, I might have mistaken it for dark chocolate sauce. It was that smooth.

However, a few feet away, I found the creator of the 'chocolate sauce' - a dark man with disheveled black hair, matted in lumps, squatting on the street corner with tattered slippers and some plastic bags with empty soda cans around him.

Since then I've seen him at least once a week, usually squatting across from Hay Hay, rambling some random statements in Cantonese and drifting from block to block.

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Beggars in Hong Kong

If you've ever set foot in Hong Kong, you'd know that there are quite a lot of beggars in the city. They range from being deranged to perfectly sane, anatomically complete or missing some limbs, smooth skinned or charred burn victims, honestly homeless or simply just faking it.

To help you out, I'll be showcasing some of the more famous or recognisable ones here. First up is the plastic bag lady who can often be seen hanging at the base of LKF:


Covered from head to toe in plastic bag bundles, I have no idea what she does or why she chooses to live this way. I have never seen anyone give her money, I don't even know if she is in fact a lady, and I once saw her in Causeway Bay, although I have no idea how she got there w/ the literal mountain of scrunched bags attached to her body.

Stay tuned for more beggars! :)

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Bowl of Bitchy

Seen on the sweatshirt of a 30ish chubby local HK woman on my way to work this morning:

CAUTION
I HAD A BOWL
OF BITCHY
THIS MORNING

Priceless. Totally priceless...

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No turning back

Hong Kong is a place full of choices. Just take one look down any street. There are hundreds of restaurants to choose from, thousands of stores, millions of shoes and handbags. So, how do you choose??

For a Gemini like myself, choices = disaster. Every decision is a potential regret, and not being able to do it all is a killer!! But you know what, it's inevitable that I have to eventually make a choice, like it or not.

When it's just a shopping purchase, it's reassuring to know that you can always take it back. But when it's a life decision, some things just can't be reversed. I must say now that it's clear that I made the worse-off decision two months ago, but hey, it happens.

Now it's time to dig myself out of this mess! :p Wish me luck, everyone!

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Monkey Business

The other day I was at the Mong Kok Computer Centre with two friends (S&A), who were both looking to buy a new digital camera. They already had a camera in mind (the Canon 880) so we were just going around comparing prices. At Broadway, the camera was around 2700 HKD but now we were seeing the ‘water product’ version for around 1700 HKD. (TIP! Basically ‘water product’ is a different version of the camera that doesn’t come with a warranty from the camera company itself, but you still get a year warranty from the shop that sells it to you. It’s much cheaper this way and better for people living outside of HK since you aren’t covered by the warranty anyway.)

One of the stores we stopped in was run by a slow, toad-like Chinese man in his late 30s(?) who had bulging, droopy-lid eyes and a brown sweatshirt. He showed us the Canon 880, gave us a decent price, and S&A decided to take two. The guy picks up the phone and tells his staff to get two from the storage room.

However, he then says, ‘Why don’t I show you this camera while you’re waiting,’ and takes out a Nikon camera, which he says is on a Xmas promotion right now for a very good price. He proceeds to show us how nice the camera is, and starts taking pictures to show us the quality. Somehow, its pictures are incredibly sharp, clear and way more beautiful compared to the Canon! Suddenly, S&A are not sure which camera to buy anymore. Should they go with all the reviews they read in the magazines, or go with the now “better camera”, according to this guy (who says he has so much experience with cameras and knows which ones are best)??

About an hour passes as confusion ensues, and the two Canon cameras are nowhere to be seen. The toad-man isn’t pushy at all, and gives us all the time in the world to go back and forth between the two cameras, rating the pros and cons. In the end, S&A still decide on the Canon, and the man gets back on the phone.

Two minutes later, he tells us that he has no more Canons in stock, and if they want to buy the Nikon, he will give them an even better price. After considering it for a while, we decided to move on and find another store.

At the next store, S&A got to try out another Canon 880, and this time, the pictures were incredibly sharp and beautiful! We asked if the Nikon was better, and right away, the salesman said, “That’s what he told you, right?” pointing towards the previous shopowner in the brown sweatshirt. “Of cos he want you to fink that, he want to sell Nikon camera, hiya maak-up! Don’t buy from him, he do monkey business, monkey business!” So apparently, he had played with some settings on his Canon camera to make all the pictures look bad!! What a crook!!!

I asked the salesman why he didn’t expose him up front so that no more customers would get tricked, but he just said that it was a free market, and everyone just does their own thing. But anyway, as S&A purchased their cameras from the new store, we cast some evil glares his way. I’ll try to post a picture of him soon so no one else gets tricked!!

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