Miss Fong in Hong Kong Xmas Cards

So, besides selling fook-less Xmas tree ornaments at the Handmade HK bazaar last weekend, I also had a small selection of Xmas cards on sale that I designed myself :D (no fook there either, sorry lady)!

There are five designs in total:

• Chinese Santa
• Frosty in HK
• Curry Fishmas
• Rudolph vs. Rudie
• All I Want for Xmas is… (Dim Sum!)

Thanks to everyone who came by and picked them up! I hope you're enjoying your cards/ornaments/bow ties/fimo! :)

Also big thanks to the people at Asia Society Hong Kong for stocking my cards! They're now on sale at the gift store right outside the ultra hip and happening' AMMO, so be sure to take a peek while you're on a pee break (the store is in between the restaurant and the restrooms)!

**Update: The Xmas cards are also now stocked at KONZEPP (50 Tung Street, Lower Ground Floor, Sheung Wan)!** Yay! Get 'em while you can! :)

Alternatively if you'd like to order any cards from me directly, please feel free to send me an email at sheupy@hotmail.com (I've got just a few left!). Thanks and happy holidays everyone! *<|:{) ~ho ho ho!

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Put a little fook into it

In preparation of the Handmade HK Xmas Bazaar, I ran into my neighborhood stationery store to see if they had any more goodies for me to craft something out of. It's always fun to go in there because the store is run by an older husband and wife (?) team who are quite possibly insane.

That sounds a bit harsh, I know, but you'd think so too if you met them. Simply walking in will elicit a maniacal laugh from the old man (not to mention any requests, ie. "Pens?! Ha ha ha ha ha!!") and the woman isn't much better with her bulging eyes, chatter mouth and snarky comments (ie. to a small child: "Get it yourself, you're a big boy!")

While paying, she asked me what I was making with all that stuff "anyway" and I mentioned this arts and crafts market to her.

"You know, we all make things by hand and go sell it at a community centre," I explained.

She looked confused. "Handmade?"

"Yea, you know, made by hand!"

She still wasn't convinced, so I decided to show her one of my products -- the felt Christmas tree.

"Here it is!" I said, proudly, as I flashed her the picture on my iPhone. Squinting down at it, her expression, which seemed to say "chieehhh" in Cantonese (aka. meh) didn't budge, not even after I swiped to show her a few more products.

After a long pause, she finally said, "I know! What you need is a little fook!"

She got up and scuttled to the back of the store, yelling, "Come here!"

I followed, and she pointed at these tiny squares of lai see envelopes in red and yellow with the word '福' (read: fortune) emblazoned on it.

"Fook? Isn't that for Chinese New Year? My things are for Christmas!"

She looked at me incredulously and said, "Don't be silly! You can never have enough fook. Trust me, if you attach one of these to each of your products, they'll sell, big time!"

"Umm, I'll think about it..." I muttered as I walked out of her store, but as I turned the corner, I could hear her yelling out, "You can't make a big fortune without spending a small fortune!!!"

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No more Gangnam Style

Feeling particular uninspired lately and even less so after watching the Hong Kong version of Gangnam Style. I get it -- people all over the world love PSY and his horse dancing but do we really need to watch his video over and over (each time with different people doing the same exact moves)!?



According to Jaynestars.com, Cantopop stars Leo Ku and Ekin Cheng decided to make this video simply because they thought that their buddy Wilson Chin resembled PSY. So, does that mean that anyone who even slightly resembles PSY (and there's a lot of people out there who do) should make a Gangnam Style video of their own? ... NO!!

Not only is the Hong Kong Gangnam Style video utterly unoriginal (everything about the video is the same as PSY's; only the backgrounds have changed), the worst part is, the stupid girl in the front doesn't even know how to do the horse dance (um, hello, you need to JUMP and lift your feet off the ground)!! Ugh.

Having said that, props to Fat Dragon in Vancouver who made a REAL Gangnam Style spoof called "我怕國民 style" (lit. I'm afraid of China style), which sounds like "Oppa Gwokman Style" and features original lyrics in Canto protesting against the national education "brainwashing" program:




Talk about using what's trending in popular culture to draw attention to an important issue! I know it's not the prettiest thing to watch nor is it the best production out there, but it definitely gets top marks for originality in my books!

C'mon Hong Kong, you can do better than this. When are we going to see some real "港男" style?

(Translation: 港男 'gong nam' comes from 香港 (Hong Kong) 男子 (guy) -- get it?)

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My egg waffle man

It's funny how someone can piss you off so much without saying a word. Take for instance, my local egg waffle man. 

A few weeks ago (yes, I hold a grudge), I was hoping to ask him if it'd be possible for him to make me some red egg waffles for my friend's moon-yuet party -- a traditional yet modern twist on those red eggs usually served at those parties. 

I know it seems like an awkward request, but I deliberately chose a time when he had no customers to make my approach. Walking up with a friendly smile, I told him the story of how my friend, who had been in confinement for the past 30 days, would love nothing more than to have some yummy Hong Kong egg waffles at her party, and if it were at all possible, if he could just make a few egg waffles for me if I brought the red dye to him, perhaps before he opened shop one morning. 

The egg waffle man, a skinny Chinese guy in his late 20s or early 30s who'd been staring at me with a dull facial expression, took a few seconds to process this and then ... shook his head. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping to find out why he couldn't do it. "I'll bring the red dye and I only need 1-2 waffles."

He shook his head once more with his jaw jutted out. 

"I'll pay you double, no, triple for them, and I'll even clean the batter jugs for you afterwards!!" 

Again, he shook his head with that 'yeung seui' expression on his face. Now, I was getting angry. 

"What do you mean no? Can't you just tell me why? What's the reason you can't do it? Tell me so I can understand!" I sputtered at him in my crappy Cantonese.

Once again, he simply shook his head. 

"Who's in charge here?!" I demanded to know.

And then, finally, the egg waffle man spoke. "I am."

At that, I did a complete 180 and left fuming, cursing the damn egg waffle man for not even trying to be helpful or at least having the courtesy to make up an excuse for why he wasn't going to help me. 

I mean, it's not like I was trying to take over his stand! If he was worried about mess, or trouble, or anything like that, I would have understood (okay, I might have tried to convince him otherwise first) but still, to be shut out like that by someone who just won't even talk to you -- I just didn't get it!

Five steps later though, I finally got it. The dude's an EGG WAFFLE MAN. He only makes one thing,  all day, every day in his life. He's not the rainbow egg waffle man, nor the chocolate chip waffle man, or god forbid, a fish ball man. He's a frickin' egg waffle man -- and that is all he shall EVER BE. 

(But damn, does he make good egg waffles.)  

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Unsightly sightings

I dunno why but the past week has been full of unsightly sightings, like:

1. Last Friday, the showers at the gym stopped working, and some chick was walking around with a towel covering just the front of her crotch (but not the back). As a result, when she walked away, I couldn't help but see her bare ass and her brown ass crack - UGH!

2. If that wasn't enough, when I later bent down to untie my shoes, the lady next to me JUST happened to pull down her pants, resulting in my face being 2 inches away from her bare and clammy ass! :O

3. A few days later, an older white lady was blow-drying her hair facing the mirror completely nude, and her body was so scrawny I could see her ribs, not to mention her ass, which was so flat it had multiple folds under the buttocks (::shudder::)

4. Then, there was a chubby woman in the change room who decided to apply body lotion while completely nude, with one leg up on the bench, giving everyone who passed by a clear shot into her you-know-what.

5. Last but not least, at a recent lingerie show, one of the models had on a bodysuit so tight, the crotch of it rode up and squeezed one side of her labia out!! :O Ugh!!

What is UP with that?! I'm so glad this week is almost over... hopefully next week will be much less visual. :P

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How to piss off perverts in Hong Kong

Hong Kong girls are known for being slightly more conservative than their overseas counterparts (holla!) -- often covering up their skin and what little curves they have with layers of lace and ruffles, so, what's a horny guy to do? Peek up their skirts, that's what!

We already know about the genius who installed a camera into the toe of his shoes to snap upskirt photos on moving escalators, but now, thanks to the DAB (that's Democratic Alliance for the Betterment of Hong Kong, phew!) Women's Affair Committee, Hong Kong perverts now have over 10 new places to circle under in the hopes of glimpsing some local punani.

On the list of "black spots" that they've identified is geek central -- the spiral staircase at the Apple Store in IFC -- plus various transparent glass floors, fences and elevators at Times Square, Island Beverley mall, the Central Library footbridge and the Hong Kong international airport (basically anywhere with glass, DUH).

The Committee warns us women to not "become the tools of the culprits who commit crimes" (yes, that was a Google translation) and if any of us should become "candid targets", to report the suspect to the police (as if they'll be able to do anything :P). 

What Hong Kong women REALLY should be doing is taking matters into their own hands... or should I say pants:

(Please excuse my anatomically incorrect drawings as I have no idea what an upskirt photo actually looks like)

1. Make 'em bleed 

 

2. Give 'em shit

 

3. Create a hairy situation

 

4. Tell 'em to F*CK OFF!

 

5. Put on a pair of bootie shorts FFS!

Okay, so if you really are so concerned about someone looking up your oh-so-precious crotch, either DON'T wear such a freaking short skirt and/or put on one of them bootie shorts (they are sold at most places that sell leggings).

THE END.

 

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Japan's version of Face Off!

Ahh, Japan. What would we do without your creepy inventions? 

I'm annoyed that I didn't come across these earlier as they would have been perfect for Halloween! What I'm talking about are the plastic face masks made by Japanese company Real-F that are an exact replica of … YOUR FACE (or anyone else's). 

Hello, beautiful!

The details are down to the pores, moles, eyelashes, and blood vessels, which they create by taking pictures of your face from various angles and imprinting it on a vinyl chloride resin over a mold. 

Don't forget to SMILE :D because the last thing you'd want to do is give anyone the slightest hint that your face isn't real (a pleasant pseudo-smile works best).

This "shocked look" will likely attract stares.

So, why make a replica mask? I can think of a few reasons ... you could freeze the way you look at this moment, make love to yourself (kinkeh), or finally get people to understand what it's like to be you - just make sure they don't do anything illegal while wearing it!

In either case, masks cost US$3,920 for the first one and US$780 for additional copies (here).  Check out this video from Apple Daily showing the mask in action (where nobody even bats an eye)! 

They even show how this disguise could potentially be used by terrorists to smuggle themselves across borders, in addition to a super easy way to forge someone's fingerprints. Watch out!!

Pictures from Geekologie.com

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Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar

I haven't been seeing many beggars around lately, except for the LKF Plastic Bag Lady and possibly the Wanchai Homeless Beggar whom I think I spotted in Lan Kwai Fong the other night.

However, I did see a rather upbeat and jolly beggar a few weeks ago in Tin Hau just outside the MTR station on King's Road. He had picked a good location, since sizable crowds would gather while waiting to cross the busy intersection. 

At first glance, the Tin Hau Harmonica Elbow Beggar (you'll understand the name soon) looked like a normal person who was just playing the harmonica out of his elbows (a way to get attention perhaps) but upon closer inspection, I realised that he didn't have any forearms -- just little stumps after the elbow joint.

While playing his tunes, he was also side-stepping to the music and grooving along, not to mention making eye contact with everyone who passed. It was pretty cool to see a beggar getting so into it, unlike the more dormant types like the Mong Kok Tree Trunk Stumps Beggar or the Wanchai Parma Ham Leg Beggar. Keep it up, dude!

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My evil thoughts

Sometimes, I get these evil thoughts. Like today, when this elderly Mandarin-speaking woman in front of me at the MTR customer service counter opened her mouth wide, turned towards me and started making these deep and dry-throated "BLEH-EH-EHH" noises.

Apparently, she had some phlegm lodged in her throat, and believed that the longer the "BLEHHH" the more chunks of phlegm she could move upwards into her mouth. It was pretty gross, and as expected my "WTF" face didn't faze her at all. Even the guy inside of the MTR service counter looked disturbed.

It's moments like these when the evil thoughts occur, like how I imagined hacking up and spitting a giant phlegm ball into her face (if only I knew how to hack phlegm up). Unfortunately, it's a skill I never picked up, but the thought of doing so brought a small smile to my face. :)

(And before all you haters post a nasty comment below -- yes, I'm a horrible, horrible person :P)

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The rules of walking in Hong Kong

We all know that Hong Kong people lack manners (especially in the MTR), but have you ever wondered why that is? Besides the sheer size of the population and the lack of etiquette training growing up, I think I've finally figured it out -- it's cuz they don't know how to drive! 

Yes, driving is not only a skill that gets you from point A to point B. It also teaches you to look out for and notice other people (even if it's for a selfish reason, ie. defensive driving) because if you f--k up, you die. Simple as that. 

In Hong Kong, the consequences of f--king up aren't as bad (e.g. you might get a meaty body slam here and there), but the rules of driving should still apply to the rules of walking! They are as follows: 

• When driving (aka. walking), keep your eyes on the road - failure to do so will result in a head-on collision!
• Do not stop suddenly or perform any abrupt U-turns, especially without signaling - unless you want to create a 5-person pile-up.
• When entering or changing lanes, always shoulder check to see who's behind you first.
• After changing lanes, accelerate until you match the walking speed of those in the faster lane so you don't slow anyone down.
• Keep your hands and legs inside of your vehicle at all times and do not swing them around - unless your goal is to lodge your hand into some old (wo)man's crotch or ass crack.
• Do not tailgate, especially on the escalator, or prepare to get a big fat fart cloud in your face.
• When someone's in your way, use your horn (aka. SPEAK UP!) - don't just stand there and hope they notice you breathing down their neck.
• When there is a traffic jam (or more commonly in HK -- an umbrella jam), don't slow down, just keep on walking!
• When backing into a parking lot (or in HK, an MTR seat), always check your rearview mirrors to make sure your ass actually fits into the alloted space (instead of landing your ass cheeks on your neighbours' thighs).

Since Hong Kong has way more people than cars, I think people should be required to get their "walker's license" before being allowed out in public! That way, the human traffic situation in HK would definitely improve ... don'tcha think?! 

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A hairy wristband

I know it's rude to stare, but last night, I saw something that I just couldn't tear my eyes away from.

He was standing across me in the MTR, looking rather normal for a Hong Kong dude (glasses, short black hair, T-shirt and jeans, and holding an iPad). It was probably his iPad that drew my eyes toward his wrist, which is how I noticed that he was wearing some kind of hairy wristband.

'Pretty neat,' I thought to myself as my eyes zoomed in, wondering what kind of material it was made of. It was super thick, so maybe faux fur? But then, the sudden realisation hit me that that was no wristband -- that was a GIGANTIC rectangular MOLE wrapped around his wrist with a thick forest of hair growing out of it.

Feeling a mixture of shock, fear and awe (it was, after all, the biggest and hairiest mole I've ever seen), my eyes were locked onto that dark patch of densely grown hair until its owner stepped off the MTR. Where he's gone, I have no clue, but one thing's for sure -- I won't be forgetting the hairy wristband anytime soon.

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Your Yawn Face

Manners are a funny thing. To some, they seem instinctual. To others (especially in Hong Kong), they don't even exist. 

Take covering your mouth when you yawn as an example. Apparently, this manner was created in the medieval times in order to prevent the soul from escaping the body (no idea what happened if you opened your mouth to talk or eat).

Later, it became a practical thing. Back when people had horrible dental hygiene (read: none), it was a good way of shielding your friends and loved ones from your personal cloud of rotten breath.

These days, those original reasons may no longer apply, but I can still think of one very good reason to cover your mouth when you yawn.

This is how you look normally:

This is how you look when you yawn:

Now imagine turning a corner and seeing the yawning version of yourself for just a split second, and that's all you'll ever see. Great first impression, no?

Besides scaring the shit out of someone (who thinks you're about to attack), you also resemble a cross between a screaming baboon, shrieking zombie and wild banshee, not to mention that everyone can see right into the depths of your mouth (and anything you left there from lunch).

So, think twice before you go around with your yawn face, ladies and gentlemen, unless that's how you want to be recognized.

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Get well soon, fruit man

I used to buy my fruit cups from Fong Jie (Sister Fong) on Pottinger Street, right next to Shake 'Em Buns, until one day, they closed down abruptly and just disappeared. There was no sign to explain where they'd gone, and nothing to tell us whether they'd moved or just gone out of business. They'd always been pretty busy, so it didn't make sense why they would move or shut down.

Anyway, I was passing by two days ago right as another man was putting the finishing touches on the replacement shop in the same spot, so I stopped to ask him what happened to Fong Jie. 

"Don't you know? She moved back to Tseung Kwan O," he said while sticking up a Japanese promotional banner on his fridge. "Her husband is sick, so she went to take care of him. She asked me to take over this spot. I'm usually over at the Bonham Strand location, you know, where all the other fruit stands are."

"Ohh..." I replied, wondering what happened to her husband. Was he that tired-looking guy who used to man the fruit stall in the mornings (you know, with the greasy glasses, half-closed eyelids, flared nostrils and giant beer belly)? 

If so, I really hope he's okay. I never really got to know him, since our interactions were mostly limited to two line dialogues (Me: Fruit cup, please. Him: 12 dollars.) but there WAS this one time when we did say a bit more to each other.

It was right after a Caucasian lady had cussed him out for not accepting her 10, 20 and 50 cent coins, and I mean seriously had a fit, screaming and all, even though he had a sign on the window that said he didn't accept small coins.

After the bitch stormed off with her fruit, I was next and asked for a fruit cup, and he was obviously quite shaken and upset as he chopped up some fruit. I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say, but all of a sudden, possibly because I was the only person there he could vent to, he blurted out, "How am I supposed to accept those coins!? You tell me, who's going to take those from me after? Huh?! I'm not being unreasonable!"

I nodded in agreement and listened intently while he continued, making sure that I did not accidentally give him any small change. After his little rant, which seemed to leave him panting in exasperation, he handed over my fruit cup, I gave him my money and then continued onto work. I can only hope that in that moment, he felt somewhat relieved to know that someone else was on his side.

Anyway, I'm not sure if he's Fong Jie's husband or not (since I never dared to ask), but if he is, and he's sick, I hope he gets well soon! 

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Screw diets!

There's something quite sobering about a haggard-looking woman in her 50s talking about the latest diet she's about to go on, especially when it's not even a new diet like the Dukan. Instead, she's planning on doing the prehistoric cabbage soup diet again (you know, the one where you eat cabbage soup for two weeks), in an effort to make herself bikini-ready for her next beach holiday.

While I'm no stranger to diets, I had always assumed that I'd give up on all that once I reached a certain age (say, 40 or 50). I mean, what's the point, really? Hopefully by then I'd be settled down and loved for every inch and roll that I have, not to mention a proud owner of a bakery opened with my cousin Sally (who will hopefully be just as round as me :). 

In our 20s, it makes sense to go on diets if they help us look and feel better, but I can't imagine an entire lifetime of trying this diet and that diet, just to shift a bit of weight here and there. Beyond a certain point, you'd think we'd all just grow up and focus on what's inside, or have adopted a balanced enough lifestyle that didn't require us to go on weird diets that don't actually do anything in the long term. 

So, after speaking to that woman and having dieted myself for the entire month of February (for a work assignment, I might add), I went home and ate a giant bowl of Ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips (followed by a few lychee jellies, Lindor chocolate balls, and some homemade chocolate chip cookies). Cuz, you know, there's always tomorrow... :)

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Canto 101: Three-inch men

Just when you were running out of insults for the short men in your life (there's only so many times you can call him shortie, lil guy, midget and Willow before he goes numb), here's another one for ya: three-inch nail (saam chyun deng, 三寸釘 ). 

Yup, leave it to the Cantonese to come up with slang that's both creative and totally appropriate! Let's examine the ways in which 3-inch nails are similar to short men: they're both steely and cold, not quite long enough to be useful, and both can turn out to be complete pricks!

Haha, just kidding... of course that all applies to normal men as well. But, add to the fact that 'inch' in Canto also sounds like the word for 'arrogant,' and the whole thing starts to make more sense than you think. 

Maybe I've got it wrong and three-inch nail is actually an endearing term for vertically challenged men. Anyone out there know? And if so, does that mean that three short men make 9-inch nails? 

\m/ |>_<| \m/

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Little Miss Blockhead

There's a girl in my building whom I just had to immortalize into drawing. I see her maybe once a week, sometimes less, but each time, I'm shocked at how BIG her head is. Not only is it big, it's also totally block-shaped, thanks to her square jaw and thick, black hair that's cut and blown in the shape of a box.

Stupid happy blockhead

Sometimes, I'll see her strutting down the street alone with a big goofy smile on her face, apparently feeling very happy about herself despite not having anyone around (that always creeps me out) but once our eyes meet and she catches me staring, her expression immediately darkens and she casts a glare at me like she wants me dead!

Angry blockhead

I could be wrong, but her glare also seems to say, "What are you staring at, you jealous of what I got?!" It's downright creepy and I usually divert my eyes right away. Maybe it's all in my head, but I highly doubt it as my colleague has spotted her before and got "the chills" too. What have I ever done to you, Little Miss Blockhead?

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All about locusts

The war between Hong Kongers and mainlanders has been getting intense with the latest ammo fired being a full page newspaper ad that depicts our Northern neighbours as locusts.

Now, there's even a depressing Cantopop song and music video being circulated around that sums up all the reasons to hate mainlanders (ie. their spitting, squatting and shitting in public, not queuing up, coming to HK to have babies, buying up everything we can't afford, being loud, being ugly, the list goes on and on).

I didn't really get the locust reference at first, but the more I read about these creepy crawlers, the more I understand...

You see, locusts are actually large grasshoppers who behave as individuals when there aren't that many of them around. BUT, the moment that a crowd of locusts form, they suddenly lose all sense of identity and kick into herd mentality, banding together in gangs of up to 40 billion (!!) and swarming to destroy everything in sight.

Scary, isn't it? Then, there's the theory of how they managed to fly across the Atlantic Ocean to get to the States way back when. Since there's no way they could have flown the whole way, the theory is that locusts flying at the front of the swarm may have died in the ocean and formed floating rafts of corpses for other members of the swarm to land on. The survivors then cannibalized the corpses to get more energy to keep flying all the way to America. *shudder*

And, you know what, a single migratory locust eats its own body weight in food each day, which is about 60-100x as much as we would eat per day! Talk about over-consumption.

An LV locust -- how appropriate.

So anyway ... back to the mainlanders. Unlike locusts that can be sprayed with pesticides or crushed under our feet, there's really nothing anyone can do about the invasion of mainlanders. And the fact is, they're not only in Hong Kong, they're taking over the world.

This couldn't have been more clear last week when I thought I was going to one of the most remote island paradises in the world. Instead, we were greeted by a resort packed with Chinese tourists -- yep, the kind that travel in big groups, let their kids pee anywhere they like and hoard all the food from the dinner buffets. Sigh.

There was even a mainland couple on our diving trip to Sipadan, whom I wouldn't have minded had Mr. Big 6 been a better scuba buddy. However, he turned out to be a selfish, childish idiot who kept swimming around recklessly to chase and harass all the fish, turtles and sharks, cutting off the other divers and kicking us in the face with his fins. He even told me to take pictures of him doing so, which I obviously ignored while secretly hoping for a live viewing of shark attack (which sadly didn't happen).

Obviously, not all mainlanders are gross, selfish and disgusting, but when you group them together into one gigantic mass of locusts, it gets pretty hard to see any beauty in that.

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Tapping the reef

After six consecutive days of diving in the pristine turquoise waters of the Celebes Sea, you could say that I'm going through a little bit of withdrawal. So much so that I, someone who usually hates playing any kind of computer/iPhone game including Angry Birds, Plants vs. Zombies and the like, have downloaded Tap Reef 2, a mind-numbingly pointless game where 3D fish and turtles swim around in an artificial reef and wait for me to feed, pet and even breed them (hey, it's a form of exercise).

So far, I've got Edwards the red snapper, Dolores the green sea turtle, Walton the jelly fish and Barr the Atlantic cod (pre-named, of course) swimming around in my reef, and for some odd reason I've also got an aztec pyramid in the background of my reef. I'm still waiting to earn enough sand dollars to trade in my common sea creatures for some of the more exotic breeds that I saw in Malaysia like the toothy Titan Triggerfish, you-cant-see-me Painted Frogfish or maybe the cute as a button and doe-eyed Black Blotched Porcupinefish?

The game is actually a little like a tamagotchi from the '90s, prompting you when the fish are hungry and/or lonely, or when they've matured into adults for breeding. The only thing different is that when the fish die (which hopefully won't happen to mine), you can actually resurrect them with some points or cash, but I haven't figured that part out yet.

Meet my fish!

For now, Tap Reef 2, with its eerie background music and somewhat annoying underwater bubble sound effects, is (sadly) the closest thing I have to being back in the deep blue sea swimming among schools of jackfish, barracudas, sharks, bat fish, puffer fish, corals, sea turtles, etc... Oh, by the way, the app is FREE so if anyone out there is interested in or already playing it too, let me know, we can cross breed! ;)

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Cockroach CSI: Death by Coffee Drowning

As mentioned before, I am a total cockroach magnet. At my old job, the cockroaches LOVED my corner cubicle and now, we share our tiny SoHo office space with a very fertile family of miniature roaches, who have been spotted anywhere from my desk to the cubicle walls to the secretary's phone.

Luckily, the mini roaches mostly come out at night when we've all gone home for the day, but sometimes the next morning, we'll find them in the strangest places -- like in our coffee mugs. Yup, one morning, I found two dead roaches in the bottom of my coffee mug when I was rinsing it out, and I'm guessing it went a little like this:

Big Roach tells Little Roach how nice it would be to go skinny dipping in a creamy cup of Hong Kong style coffee.

Little Roach struggles to keep afloat in the coffee, while Big Roach relishes in the fact that there'll soon be one less mouth to feed in the "megaherd" of roaches, meaning more crumbs for him!

Big Roach loses his footing while laughing and slips into the coffee as well, where both of them die a slow and painful death since they are highly caffeinated and do not slip into unconsciousness until about an hour later.

Moral of the story? Roaches should wear slip-resistant footwear when walking on slippery surfaces like coffee mugs. Crocs, take note, you've got a new set of customers (with six feet each)!

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Jacky Cheung: King of Cantopop

I don't have posters of him on my walls, I don't have his name in LED lights, nor do I even really know what he's singing about BUT -- I have to say I'm a huge fan of Jacky Cheung (not to be confused with that silly fool Jackie Chan)!

I guess it all started back when I was just a '90s tween in Canada. Jacky had come to perform at this small theatre stage in Vancouver, and I remember running down the aisle every few minutes to take pictures of him dancing around in an Austin Powers'-esque costume. At the end of the show, I ran down to the stage again, hoping to meet Jacky in person, but all I could find, after hoisting myself halfway onto the stage, was his used white facial towel draped over a speaker on the stage.

Of course, I snatched that towel and brought it home with me, proud that it had the orangey markings of Jacky's make-up on it as well as ONE strand of short black hair. I folded it and kept it in the bookshelf above my bed, thinking it was pretty damn cool (until, one day, I think my Grandma washed it).

Anyway... flash forward to today...

I've just been lucky enough to have seen his 1/2 Century Tour for the second time in Macau, and he is definitely THE reigning 'King of Cantopop'! At the age of 50 (half century, get it?), Jacky can still sing, dance, and act with the gusto of a 20-something year old, all without a gasp or falter during his entire three-hour concert.

As you may know, cantopop concerts are known for lasting an eternity so you'd better be a huge fan of whoever's performing to go to one (or really like waving glow sticks in the dark to the beat of local music). In Jacky's case, every single minute of his concert was a blast!

The show started with a tap dance performance (which I'm not quite sure was real or not), followed by a steady slew of hit songs and accompanying videos that matched the songs. For example, for his song "花花公子" (Playboy) he played a sneaky ladies' man who notices Shu Qi at a party, and then you see scenes of them dating happily around Macau, getting married, and eventually fighting as their relationship crumbled and turned bitter. Lots more happens in the show but don't worry, I won't give it all away.

The show's highlights were:

• Jacky's jazz hands all throughout the show
• The dance rendition of his earlier hit songs using the same retro dance moves 
• Jacky doing the SPLITS (no joke!)

The low point (as mentioned by my bf) was:

• Jacky BURPing into the mic after the sweaty dance rendition (he IS local, after all!)

In any case, I highly recommend going to see the "King of Heavenly Kings" when he finishes off his 1/2 Century Tour in Hong Kong in May 2012 if you haven't already seen him at one of his previous 100 shows (yup, he's been touring for an entire year already)! And don't worry if you don't have a clue what he's singing about, neither do I! :)

Here's a little preview:

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